A Series Of Firsts
1.
Gary had never actually seen Jason like this before, but then in the time he had known Jason the older man had spent little time in the dating world. When Jason first became a regular part of Gary’s world, he had already been dating a man called Ryan for two years. The two had eventually decided they were better as friends, Ryan had moved to back down to London and Jason hadn’t dated anyone else for some time. Certainly no one that was of any great importance. Judging by the sight before him, Gary concluded that Howard Donald was the man who had finally managed to reignite Jason’s interest in actually having a love life. For a moment or two Gary found himself speechless; he himself wasn’t exactly adept in the art of dating and Jason was the one who tended to dish out the advice in their friendship. But as Jason hurried back and forth, occasionally appearing in variations on his outfit, always finding new jobs to be done before he left the house and muttering to himself about every possible thing that could go wrong, Gary realised he had to come up with something sometime soon to stop Jason driving himself crazy.
“Would it help if I sang?” he asked at last and he leant over slightly, peering down the corridor in search of where Jason had now disappeared to. After a beat Jason’s head appeared around the bedroom door, eyebrows crooked, a smirk on his lips.
“How exactly would that help?” he chuckled, shaking his head at Gary before disappearing back into his bedroom. Gary shrugged.
“Well I don’t know, I just thought it might calm you down a bit! Honestly Jay, I swear you never got this het up over...who was that bloke? Couple of years back? Jake was it? Jack? John?” he sighed. Jason leant out of his bedroom door once again, rolling his eyes at Gary, smiling lopsidedly.
“Yeah well, that’s exactly the point; who was that bloke?! Even I can’t remember his name,” he pointed out, screwing his face up slightly before ducking back into his bedroom.
“Maybe it was George...but still! You barely even blinked when you went out with him for the first time...and you must have done something right coz you two went out for a month or so at least...” Gary commented, frowning slightly. Jason let out a long breath as he finally re-emerged from his room having changed into yet another variation on his outfit.
“Give over, of course I remember his name Gaz! He was called Jacob! I was making a point if you must know! What I meant when I asked who he was is that...he really didn’t matter that much to me. It was a while since I’d dated anyone, we got on well and...well, he appeased my family, I appeased his friends and we found each other nice to look at. It didn’t matter if I screwed up my first date with him, I could deal with him never wanting to see me again. Besides which he probably wouldn’t have scrutinised anything I did close enough to notice anything bad. Howard is...different,” Jason explained, although Gary still looked at him with muddled blue eyes.
“But what’s the big deal?! You’ve been mates for months...and he’s already said he loves you hasn’t he? It’s not so much a first date more...an excuse to kiss him in public without old ladies staring at you,” Gary shrugged. Jason chuckled despite himself, blushing at little at the memory and pinching the bridge of his nose, letting out a long breath before sitting himself down on the arm of the sofa.
“That’s kind of the point though, Gaz...both of us seem to think we could actually love each other. Both of us are...involved already. He can already read me better than anyone else I know and...I haven’t put up any walls to try and stop that. So know, after letting myself be that exposed...if I screw it up? I don’t just get my heart broken, but I probably would lose him as a friend too,” Jason admitted and Gary tilted his head to one side, giving Jason a sympathetic smile.
“Jay, you numpty – you and him clicked from the second he walked into the shop and you know it. You have a natural patter happening between the two of you that you both established on day one, like you’d known each other a lifetime or five. I’m more than positive that he got chatting to you because you are funny, you are clever and, above all, you are absolutely fascinating to talk to. He sees every part of you, Jay. The way he looks at you, he sees it all. And none of it puts him off – rightly so! I’m willing to bet that, short of running naked through Manchester yodelling, he’s not going to be phased if you go a little bit nuts on him. Actually, he’d be a bit disappointed if you didn’t,” Gary chided him kindly and Jason laughed, his head tipping to one side in slight embarrassment that he’d let himself get so het up.
“Thanks Gaz,” he said softly, meeting Gary’s eyes. Gary waved him off.
“You won’t be saying that when I burst into song!” he teased, taking a deep breath as if he were about to sing. Jason chuckled but their banter was cut short by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Jason stared at the door a moment, seeming a little panic stricken, and Gary couldn’t help but smile at him with affection. He honestly hadn’t realised that Howard with this important to Jason but he recognised the emotions crossing Jason’s face. This was how he felt about Mark too. “You really think he could be the love of your life out there don’t you?” he observed quietly as Jason bit his lip, still staring nervously at the door.
“Am I insane?” he asked Gary quietly and Gary laughed, looking down at the floor.
“Probably. But, if it helps I think that’s a good thing. The whole love thing is a bit insane isn’t it? I’m not exactly experienced in any of this but...I think it’s the ones who send us round the twist that are supposed to be the ones we chase after. Now for God’s sake let the man in before he thinks you’ve changed you mind!” Gary told him, a twinkle in his eyes.
“Oh God!” Jason exclaimed, suddenly remembering that Howard was left standing outside. Gary couldn’t help but laugh as his friend hurried over to the door.
“Just remember, no yodelling!” he called after him, receiving a playful glare for his troubles.
***
If Jason had been nervous at the start of the evening, he had forgotten about it by the time he and Howard had left the restaurant. An amused twinkle had set itself in his eyes almost as soon as he had opened the door to his apartment; Howard had looked at him and forgotten to talk for a drawn out moment and Jason had been both flattered and entertained by the expression on the other man’s face. It had been enough to reassure Jason that he wasn’t the only one being sent slowly insane before he’d even had time to catch a breath. With that reassurance in mind it had been easy for him to relax again, be the Jason that had accidentally made Howard fall in love with him in the first place. Neither one of them had been blind to the subtle frisson between them over dinner, neither one had ignored the growing meaning behind every glance they exchanged, but, despite having already kissed (extremely passionately) for the first time, they kept their hands to themselves, choosing instead to flirt shamelessly and simply enjoy each other’s company. It was obvious to Jason that Howard was no more enamoured with the idea of their night ending than he was and as they made the walk back to Howard’s car they took the scenic route, strolling together through the park.
It had been Howard who had slowed their pace a little, fallen perfectly into step with Jason, just waiting for the moment their fingers brushed. And once they did, he had caught gently onto Jason’s hand, taking it in his own. Jason had glanced over a him with a soft smile, the moonlight glimmering calmly in his blue eyes. Those eyes could pierce through the darkness so strongly that Howard could feel every line his gaze traced as they walked. Jason gave his hand the smallest of squeezes.
“So, is this where you take all your dates then?” Jason asked him with quiet playfulness. Howard grinned, looking down at the ground a moment before meeting Jason’s eyes again.
“No...no, just the ones who manage to make me fall for them without even trying,” he admitted honestly. He was naturally shy but Jason seemed to take that shyness away from him, for the most part. But he still felt the need to drop his gaze, self-conscious and very away of those blue eyes on him. Jason smiled, recognising the waver in Howard’s confidence and leaning into him slightly.
“So tell me Howard Donald, how many people have dared to do that to an innocent man like you?” Jason murmured and Howard looked back up at him, aware of them walking a little closer together now. Howard Jason loved the way the moonlight bounced in his shy blue eyes and he smiled at the timid way Howard ran a hand through his curly black locks, ruffling them lightly. Underneath that shy man was a far less shy, far less innocent man and, if you looked closely enough, you could see it lingering in his smile. But Howard noticed Jason didn’t have to look quite so closely. He just knew, instinctively, drew it all to the surface.
“Funny you should mention that. Because there’s really only been the one...” Howard began and Jason tilted his head.
“You expect me to believe that?” he smiled, the mischievous glint in his eyes all the encouragement Howard needed.
“I think you already know it actually.”
“Just the one?”
“Yeah. This one, stunning, charming, maddening bloke.”
“Maddening?” Jason asked with a laugh, raising an eyebrow. Howard chuckled.
“Oh yeah. Well, I certainly lost a few nights of sleep over him anyway,” he grinned.
“Hmm, sure sounds like you might just mean mad,” Jason shot back quickly.
“Probably. But I don’t really mind. I quite like it actually. It just makes me want to kiss him actually. A lot. And often,” he replied, meeting Jason’s gaze yet again. They could both feel it there; that frisson between them sparkling once more, getting stronger, more meaningful.
“Really?” Jason questioned in a whisper and Howard nodded.
“Really.”
“Well in that case you’ll have to tell me more,” Jason told him, flicking his gaze up to Howard’s then looking down at the ground.
“About the kissing or the man?” Howard asks slyly and Jason laughed.
“You choose.”
“I think you know what I'd choose though.”
“Well, I think something as frivolous as kissing needs a bit of explanation, don’t you?”
“If you say so,” Howard grinned.
“Yes, I do,” Jason laughed softly.
“Well I guess I’ll have to tell you then...”
“Tell away.”
“He made me talk.”
“Made you?”
“I’m shy.”
“On the outside maybe.”
“He said that too.”
“Clever man.”
“Amazing man. I knew that much from moment one.”
“Moment one?” Jason smiled, looking up at him with a smile.
“Maybe moment two. Moment one was all about his eyes. Sounds stupid but...I almost thought I’d seen them before. Which is maybe why I wasn’t so shy anymore.”
“So I take it this wasn’t just any old bloke then?”
“Trust me, Jay, I knew he was special. I don’t think anyone has ever understood me so quickly. Like it all came naturally to us,” Howard said with a small, bashful smile.
“Sounds like you made your mind up pretty quickly,” Jason remarked Howard couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He knew all about Jason’s opinions on ‘love at first sight’ and, if he was honest, he agreed with him on them; saying you love someone needs more than just foundations, no matter how strong those foundations were. No, it needed to be built of many things, good things, more things. But his and Jason’s foundations...they had been founded on something strong. Easiness and a natural pattern of back-and-forth. No, love at first sight wasn’t really what he had felt. He’d felt...intrigue? A little. And familiarity. Something so simple it was glorious.
“I didn’t fall, if that’s what you mean.”
“Really,” Jason raised an eyebrow, looking tentatively hopeful.
“Well...I might’ve stumbled,” Howard grinned back and Jason chuckled.
“Hmm.”
“But mostly I just...wanted to know him as well as I felt like I already did,” Howard assured Jason softly and he was pleased when he saw the flicker of understanding that crossed Jason’s face.
“I hope you didn’t find anything that made you change your mind,” he commented.
“I’m quite stubborn, Jay, you know? I don’t really change my mind often,” Howard murmured, stopping walking and turning to face Jason. Jason too stopped glancing up at Howard’s face, a slight incline to his head. They could both feel the air between them becoming charged once more and both of them could hazard a subtle guess at what would follow.
“I think I might’ve had a similar experience,” Jason said softly, feeling Howard’s fingers brush his cheek. He stayed facing forwards though, letting Howard lean into him instead.
“Then tell me,” Howard murmured, his fingers grazing at strands of Jason’s fringe.
“I could. But I think, How...that you already know,” Jason’s voice was quiet and soft and as he spoke he turned his head upwards, meeting Howard’s gaze. Howard smiled slowly, his hand coming to rest at Jason’s neck as Jason turned, lifting his own hand up to touch Howard’s face. For a moment each the both watched each other, wondering briefly if anything more needed to be said. Howard felt his heart knocking against his ribs in agitation, unable to bear the anticipation a moment longer. At last he dipped his head ever-so-slightly and Jason, somehow always on Howard’s frequency, tipped his face upwards, his eyes briefly catching Howard’s before they closed. Jason allowed Howard close and any final barriers were broken as Howard’s lips were allowed to meet his own. This kiss was different to that one in the rain. This was deeper, less frantic, less need to prove to each other that their heart was truly in this. No, this kiss didn’t need any conscious assurances, its tenderness alone was enough to make Howard’s bones ache in recognition. His muscles tensed, pulling Jason’s body closer to his own. Jason stretched himself in Howard’s arms, fitting his frame into Howard’s, allowing himself to be tugged and clutched at in a way he had never let anyone else. No one had ever held him this way before. Kissed him this way before. Howard’s heartbeat was soft against the palm of his hand as he pressed it to Howard’s chest, the sound strangely familiar to him despite the relatively brief time they had known each other. First date it may be, but Jason knew that, for some reason, he and Howard Donald had been custom made for each other’s arms.
2.
Gary sneezed for what he was sure was the thousandth time in the last five minutes, whimpering slightly before letting himself fall back against the cushions. This really wasn’t how he’d wanted to spend today but, as he heard Mark singing to himself in the kitchen, he concluded that maybe things weren’t all bad. Ok, so he had the cold from hell that had been sent to him just in time for the day he had carefully set aside to take Mark out on their first date. But, on the bright side, he’d still managed to stagger as far as Mark’s flat where he’d been greeted like he was some sort of invalid, ushered onto the sofa and handed the remote as Mark had disappeared to buy tinned soup. It was strange, he decided, that he had been falling in love with Mark this whole time, without realising. Because now he was sat here, his head making strange whooshing sounds if he moved too quickly, it was very clear to him that he loved every detail of Mark Owen so obviously and evidently that the whooshing could actually be drowned out by Mark’s chirruping voice.
Groggily Gary looked over his shoulder as he heard Mark approaching, sniffing forlornly and making Mark smile at him in sympathy. In his hands he carried a tray laden with tissues and Lemsip and a piping hot bowl of soup; Gary could honestly say no sight had been more gorgeous to him in all his life. He wasn’t sure if it was Mark’s wide, sparkling eyes or the head-clearing scent of the Lemsip that sweetened the deal the most but as Mark grinned at him he decided it really didn’t matter. Placing the selection of cures on the coffee table in front of Gary, Mark was quick to clamber onto the sofa, giving Gary’s arm a small hug before he reached into his pocket, producing a packet of bonbons and settling down.
“Ok, so what are we watching?” he asked, tilting his head slightly and frowning at the screen.
“I’m not entirely sure. It might be Bargain Hunt...or it might be something else. Should I worry that my vision is a bit blurry?” Gary asked. Mark looked at him steadily a moment before quickly leaning over and reaching for the Lemsip. Gary chuckled softly, taking the mug and closing his eyes a moment to appreciate its warmth against his hands. Mark laughed.
“You are definitely ski-whiff today, Gaz,” he grinned, shaking his head and subtly taking back control of the remote. Gary smiled faintly, nodding.
“You’re probably right there, Marko...but then you have a way of making me a bit ski-whiff if you must know,” he admitted quietly. The romance of the statement was only marginally dulled by his blocked nose and Mark found his heart suitably melted, squeezing Gary’s arm affectionately.
“Yeah well, you’re not so bad yourself,” he replied. Gary could only sneeze in reply, making Mark giggle. Gary pulled a face.
“Urgh, I wouldn’t get too close mind,” he warned and Mark rolled his eyes.
“Oh shush, I’m fine. I’m germ resistant,” he told Gary with confidence.
“Germ resistant?” he repeated, his eyebrows raised in scepticism. Mark shrugged, pushing himself up a little to plant a kiss on Gary’s cheek. Gary couldn’t really argue with that.
As the two of them fell into easy silence, Gary counted his lucky stars he’d bothered to make the effort today instead of just standing Mark up point blank. It was odd having a raincloud over your head and sitting on Cloud Nine all at once but that was certainly how he felt as he glanced down at Mark pressed so contentedly to his side. Truth be told he had often wondered – on off days and ill days and God-life’s-so-rubbish days – what it would be like to be comforted by Mark Owen, to have the right to Mark Owen’s smile, to be able to lay claim to Mark’s Owen’s affections. He wasn’t sure why it was him who had had such an honour granted him but now it was here he could quite safely say that the reality was far better than the imagined scene. As the Lemsip began to aid his stuffy head, he was able to catch the faintest breath of strawberries and sherbet and he smiled to himself with fondness as he watched Mark pop yet another sugary treat into his mouth, dust resting lightly on the corner of his lip. Mark caught him watching and flashed him an impish grin.
“What, you want one?” he asked with an innocent smile but Gary could only laugh and turn his gaze self-consciously back to the TV. Mark wasn’t sure what Gary had to be shy about. He was the stunning one; his jawline was chiselled and, despite his cold, those blue eyes were still a bold flash of daring blue. His hair, though mussed up from having Mark’s hands run through it gently in a form of healing rarely practiced by doctors, fell softly across his forehead, framing his sleepy face perfectly. Even when croaky his voice was still like a log fire in winter. Welcoming and warm. Pulling him in. Mark wasn’t sure how long he could just sit next to Gary – for some reason his being an invalid for the day only made him more attractive – and willpower had never been one of Mark’s greatest strengths. Resting his head on Gary’s shoulder he contemplated whether Gary Barlow was worth getting a cold for.
***
Gary wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but by the time he woke up the sun was setting and Mark’s flat was filled with shades of purple and amber, reflected brightly in Mark’s shining eyes. A blanket had been put around him since he fell asleep, but Mark was still next to him, looking up at him with those eyes of his. His head was a little less foggy now, though his throat was still sore and he couldn’t help but cast a longing glance at the fresh bowl of soup Mark had placed before him. He hadn’t heard Mark make it but he couldn’t stop himself looking at it greedily. Mark didn’t seem to register the gaze however, more concerned with studying every detail of Gary’s face. Gary slowly turned back to look at Mark and Mark smiled at him, sitting up a little further to tuck strands of Gary’s hair into an order only he understood. Gary felt something in his chest constrict and for once he knew this was no symptom of his cold. Any fool could have told him; a symptom of Mark it clearly was. He couldn’t stop his grin spreading when Mark finally pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek.
“And when you’re better, you can have a proper kiss,” Mark promised and Gary raised an eyebrow.
“Blimey – you got anymore Lemsip?” he joked and Mark chuckled, swatting at him playfully before reaching for the soup.
“Come on invalid, let’s get some of this down you,” he said with a small shake of his head and Gary laughed as Mark offered him a spoonful.
“A kiss and you’re feeding me food? Anyone would think this was a date,” he teased, taking a sip of the offered soup and holding Mark’s gaze. Mark shrugged.
“Maybe it is a date,” he suggested, a playful shine to his cheeks as he fed Gary another spoonful.
“Oh really. You really want to tell your mates your first date with me involved Lemsip and Bargain Hunt do you?” Gary countered but Mark’s grin only widened.
“Well my best mate is Jay and I don’t think anything would surprise him with us anymore. Besides, I want to tell my mates that my first date with you involved you...” he told Gary simply. Gary smiled.
“Just me, you really don’t care about anything else as long as I’m here?” he asked, unable to hide the pride that touched his voice. Mark fed him another spoonful of soup as he nodded.
“Well...just you...and a kiss...and me feeding you food...” he conceded making Gary laugh.
“You’re just going to skip over the Bargain Hunt and the Lemsip then?” he pointed out and Mark pulled at face, giving Gary a playful jab in the ribs.
“Least the Lemsip didn’t talk so much!” he teased and Gary looked at his hands.
“Sorry...bad habit of mine,” he said and Mark rolled his eyes.
“Yours? Have you met me?! I can witter for England. Anyway, if you really think it’s that bad, then I know a way you can make it up to me...” he began and Gary raised his eyes to Mark’s.
“Oh really?” he asked, intrigued.
“Well the way I see it, you’re racking up some serious kiss debt here...so you need to promise me you’re going to kiss me senseless next time we go on a date. Ok?” Mark offered, all mischief now. Gary couldn’t stop the twinkle which touched his eyes.
“Blimey,” he said simply and Mark giggled.
“Blimey indeed,” he agreed.
3.
Howard groaned slightly as he sleepily turned over the in bed, trying to ignore the fact that his brain was starting to wake up. It was only when his arm connected with something else in the bed with him that he let the fog of his mind begin to clear, groggily opening his eyes and squinting at the room he was in. As the room came slightly into focus, he became aware of the moonlight which filtered across the room, reminding him that this was most definitely not his flat. Rubbing a hand over his face Howard smiled to himself, memories of last night slowly coming back to him. He remembered where he was now and he was amazed that any sleep could have been deep enough to make him forget. It had been a fair few weeks of increasingly powerful sparks flying between them but Howard was now waking up to Jason Orange by his side for the first time. And he couldn’t quite believe it.
Traces of morning were beginning to touch the corners of the Manchester sky outside, tapping amber fingerprints along Jason’s silhouette and adding a quiet glow to his naturally warm skin. Howard’s eyes fell on the sight gratefully and he watched Jason sleep a moment, watching his breaths and remembering the feeling of them against his skin last night. He propped himself up on his elbow, tentatively brushing his fingers at the hair which fell across Jason’s forehead and holding his breath a moment when Jason stirred. Jason let out a small whimper in his sleep, turning over slowly, subconsciously folding himself against Howard’s form before settling once more. Howard felt his breath hitch in his throat, a disbelieving smile colouring the corners of his lips. This was his first morning waking up to Jason and he hoped to goodness it wouldn’t be his last; the way his dark lashes fanned against his skin, the unreadable smile that was just visible on his lips. His breath was touching Howard’s skin again, slower and steadier than the night before. Howard liked the intimacy of it – Jason’s life and his life intertwined by it. Breath and skin – this was Jason at his most unguarded and yet still he was twisting himself closer and closer. Lord only knew what he’d done in a past life to earn this, because he was sure that he wasn’t worthy of it. He was just Howard Donald. He was just an ordinary bloke, nothing special; he lost his car keys and slept in late and he was pretty sure he had never managed to string together a truly beautiful sentiment in all his life. But Jason...Jason was stunning; piercing eyes and piercing insight, as fiercely intelligent as he was mischievous. Shy in different ways to Howard, strong in different ways to Howard. Ways that complimented Howard, perhaps. But still Howard wasn’t sure he had any right to last or this morning, to his place in this bed. Jason stirred slightly again and Howard’s heart responded by missing a beat. Jason was all but curled up in his arms now and Howard found that his willpower had deserted him; he wasn’t sure what force took him over but he bent his head just enough to press a lingering kiss against Jason’s temple. The smile it placed on Jason’s lips as he slowly slipped into consciousness was enough to assure Howard he was right to follow his instincts and he quietly planted another slow kiss against corner of Jason’s mouth. Jason’s eyes flickered open, meeting with Howard’s own and glinting in the remnants of moonlight that rested between them.
“Hey,” he murmured softly and Howard smiled slightly.
“Hey,” he half-chuckled in response, letting Jason cross the final centimetres between them and rest himself against Howard’s chest as if he’d been lying there his whole life.
“You know it’s only about...three? Four?” Jason guessed in a fond whisper, not seeming to object.
“I know. I just don’t care,” Howard replied gently and Jason smiled slightly.
“Selfish bastard,” Jason told him softly.
“Are you complaining?”
“No. Just making a point,” Jason chuckled sleepily and Howard traced his fingers along Jason’s skin.
“Hey, you sleep that close to me, I’m going to pull you even closer,” he smiled. Jason closed his eyes again and curled in closer to Howard.
“Good,” he replied simply. Howard looked down at him then in vague amazement, taking in a breath and letting himself sink further back against the pillows, looking up at the ceiling. Jason’s eyes opened then, and he looked up at Howard, reacting to the almost imperceptible increase in their distance. He pushed himself up Howard’s body, one hand moving to touch his face, causing Howard to smile a little ruefully.
“Explain to me what it is I did to deserve you being this close to me,” he whispered at last. Jason looked at him steadily, his head tilted slightly, his eyes dark but glimmering slightly. Howard half expected to get kicked out of the bed then and there, convinced that Jason would come to his senses but instead Jason tilted Howard’s face to meet his eyes properly, capturing Howard’s lips with his own. The kiss was long and steady but Howard could feel every shiver of the emotion that ran through it and pinpricks of light flashed behind his closed eyelids as he took Jason’s slim frame into his arms. As they finally broke apart Howard could already feel Jason’s eyes setting their gaze on him once more.
“I thought questioning things was my job.”
“Then why do you never question me?”
“I don’t need to, How.”
“But this is close.”
“You weren’t questioning it when I let you in here.”
“No one questions anything when someone beautiful is kissing them.”
“So it was all instinct?”
“Something like that.”
“Then trust your instincts.”
“People like you are supposed to be untouchable,” Howard sighed slightly.
“I’m just me,” Jason told him calmly. Howard smiled a little, brushing his fingertips against the side of Jason’s face, cupping his cheek.
“You’re just beautiful,” he countered. Jason pressed another small kiss to his cheek then pulled back and looked at Howard carefully. There was little point in holding any more of himself back, he supposed. He could feel the muscle of Howard’s body against his own and he realised that everything else had been given. Words and looks and understanding. Skin and breath and a side of the bed. There was no point to holding anything else back and, more importantly, he didn’t want to try to. He looked Howard in the eye, their faces close.
“I love you,” he said with a certainty that took Howard by surprise. They’d told each other enough times now that they were falling in love, maybe even been as sure as to say ‘fallen’, but neither had dared venture those three words. Slowly he shifted their bodies so that he could cup Jason’s face in his hand, leaning across to press a kiss to his forehead.
“Jay...”
“Yeah?”
“I love you too.”
***
Howard and Jason both jumped as they heard the sound of someone knocking loudly on Jason’s front door. Jason was the first to get his bearings, reluctantly untangling himself from Howard’s arms as he pushed himself upright in the bed. Howard looked up at him and, as if sensing his gaze, Jason glanced over his shoulder as he climbed out of the bed, a shy smile passing across his face. Howard watched unashamedly as Jason pulled his jeans on and left the room, casting one more flushed smile over his shoulder before disappearing from view. Sunlight streamed through the apartment now and Howard enjoyed the feeling of the warm rays rolling over his bare chest as he listened for who was at the door.
Jason ran his fingers through his hair as he crossed the lounge towards the door, trying to make it look marginally less dishevelled than it did, before finally pulling back the chain and opening the door to see Mark stood in front of him. Mark looked up at him, seemingly unfazed by his shirtless state, and gave him a cheery smile but Jason merely arched an eyebrow, glancing back into his apartment to get a glimpse of his clock.
“Mark, you do know it’s nine thirty...on a Sunday...” he pointed out slowly but Mark just whimpered.
“Oh but Jay you need to help me!” he proclaimed overdramatically, breezing past Jason into the apartment. Jason simply blinked, standing a moment by the open door as Mark made himself at home before letting out an affectionate sigh.
“Come in...” he deadpanned to himself before shutting the door and heading towards the kitchen to put the kettle on, briefly wondering where Howard had got to. Mark flopped down onto the sofa as Jason got the tea ready, hugging a cushion to his chest as he looked up at the ceiling.
“So, what exactly is the matter?” Jason questioned gently, looking up as Howard appeared down the corridor. A faint blush touched his cheeks as Howard offered him his discarded shirt from last night and Howard simply winked at him, leaning casually against the breakfast bar, waiting for Mark to notice his presence.
“It’s Gary. Or...or maybe it’s me...it’s me and Gary!” Mark lamented, burying his face in the cushion now. Howard held back a chuckle as Jason rolled his eyes.
“What about you and Gary could possibly warrant you turning up on my doorstep at half nine on a Sunday?” he asked with slight fondness in his tone as he stirred sugar into the teas before handing a mug to Howard. Howard accepted the tea gratefully, meeting Jason’s eyes with slight mischief in his own as he took a tentative sip.
“Because really Mark, I think Jay has better things to be doing with his time at half nine on a Sunday,” he put in with a huskiness to his tone that sent a shiver of static across Jason’s skin . Their eyes were locked for a moment and they didn’t notice Mark sit bolt upright in surprise.
“Howard! Oh God!” he exclaimed after a beat and Howard chuckled, finally breaking eye contact with Jason to turn and cast Mark as mildly embarrassed smile.
“Mornin’,” he replied with a small shrug. Mark looked between Howard and Jason, his mouth still slightly open in surprise, and it quickly dawned on him that, now Howard was around, he could no longer assume that Jason would be available to lend him a listening ear at all hours of the day.
“I’m interrupting something aren’t I...” Mark said slowly and Jason chuckled.
“No, just this one’s Sunday lie in,” he smiled, nodding his head in Howard’s direction.
“He still insists he doesn’t do lie ins, but I’m working on it,” Howard added, a twinkle in his eyes.
“Well all the same, I’ll go...I should get out of your hair really...” Mark flustered, getting up hurriedly and attempting to make a break for it.
“Markie, hold up. Come on, what’s wrong?” Jason asked him kindly, stopping him in his tracks. Mark looked at his hands, pulling a face then shrugging.
“Let’s just say...I didn’t wake up with Gary Barlow in my flat this morning, yeah? Don’t worry about it though, Jay, it’s not your problem...” he dismissed, stalking towards the door again.
“Markie!” Jason called after him and Mark stopped yet again, looking back over his shoulder.
“Yeah?” he questioned and Jason smiled at him kindly.
“He’s my best mate, you know? So I can’t say I’ve ever had the experience you’d be looking for. But one thing I do know; Gaz cannot resist piano chords. You play a song for him and waking up to him won’t be your problem. Getting him to leave? Maybe a bit more so,” Jason told him and Mark couldn’t help but grin.
“Cheers Jay, you’re a proper mate. And I’m not going to visit you on Sunday mornings ever again, promise!” he beamed and Jason laughed.
“Mm, I’ll believe that when it happens,” he commented and Mark shrugged, giving Howard a small wave before quickly opening the door.
“Bye...and sorry!” he called over his shoulder before the door finally closed behind him and Jason and Howard were alone once more.
As Howard turned back to look at Jason again he could see that increasingly familiar look of contemplation shining softly in his eyes. He tilted his head, looking at Jason in questioning and leaning on the breakfast bar to close some of the gap between them.
“Don’t even try and pretend you’re not thinking about something,” he coaxed gently and Jason smiled, coming around the breakfast bar to stand in front of Howard.
“Yeah, I was thinking about something,” he agreed, letting Howard wind his arms around him.
“You thinking about sharing?” Howard asked, bringing their bodies as close as possible and cupping Jason’s face in his hands, kissing his forehead before leaning their foreheads together.
“Yeah...yeah...I just...I need you to know that I meant what I said last night. I love you. And if you think you’ve not done anything to deserve that then...then you’re so wrong,” Jason murmured after a pause. Howard looked into his eyes with slight surprise, feeling his heart stutter under Jason’s piercing gaze. He smiled slightly.
“You mean that?” he asked and Jason laughed softly, still holding his gaze.
“How,” Jason reprimanded him softly and Howard smiled.
“I know, Jay,” he said gently and Jason smiled.
“Of course you know.”
“And of course you know...I feel the same.”
4.
Mark sat down on the box was a sigh, letting out a little squeak as the box gave way beneath him. The sound of his misfortune attracted Jason’s attention and the older man chuckled softly as he peered into the front room of the shop, leaning against the archway and raising an eyebrow.
“You trying to turn the empty boxes into furniture or do you want me to help you out of there?” he asked after a moment, eyes sparkling wildly with amusement.
“Howard’s a bad influence on you – you never used to mock me!” Mark protested, kicking his legs in a fruitless attempt to free himself from the box.
“You and Gaz need to stop blaming Howard for everything – I have always mocked you.”
“Not as much as you do now though, Howard’s taught you to be more devious,” Mark pouted, holding his arms in the air expectantly and making Jason roll his eyes.
“So is How mocking you when he lets you wrap him around your little finger?” he remarked pointedly, arms folded. The smile on his face betrayed him and Mark simply looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes.
“Yes?” he tried and Jason grinned, finally giving in and coming over to help him up.
“No, actually,” he supplied, taking Mark’s hands and trying to heave the smaller man to his feet.
“All of you lot mock me!” Mark countered, looking up into Jason’s eyes.
“I guess. But, we do that whilst we let you wrap us around your little finger,” Jason replied.
“Well, there is that I s’pose,” Mark chuckled softly, his head lolling back, hair falling free in fluffy strands into his face. Jason merely shook his head in quiet amusement, picking up the damaged box and walking through into the side room, Mark following him.
As Jason put the box down on the shop’s counter, Mark let out yet another sigh and Jason decided he couldn’t ignore his friend’s hints for much longer. He briefly surveyed the mess that the shop was in. Gary had gone a little overboard at the auction and the shop was practically overflowing with rare songbooks and records and, much to Jason’s dismay, many very dusty instruments. Didn’t the auctions polish these things up for sale? Or did they, like the rest of the world, presume that Jason would turn up with a duster and do it for them? He put his hands on his hips, a small frown creasing his forehead. He wasn’t sure why he was getting so het up about it all. Perhaps it was all that residual stress that he refused to let Howard see over the state of the apartment. He loved living with Howard but he was still adjusting to having the chaos that was Howard Donald in the sanctuary of his apartment twenty-four/seven. Now that the shop was descending into chaos too, Jason felt sure he was losing all control. They said that was what love did to you and he’d never believed it. Yet still he couldn’t bring himself to stop the smile that touched his lips as he thought of Howard.
“So, come on, what is it you’re dying for me to ask you about?” Jason sighed at last, his daydream ended abruptly by the sad look in Mark’s eyes.
“You think you’re so good at reading people Jay,” Mark retorted, rolling his eyes that little bit too dramatically to be believed. Jason simply nodded knowingly, moving around behind the counter to pick up his book.
“Well in that case, you can finish sorting the boxes and I can take my tea break – it’s taking me far too long to finish this book!” he said, waving the book slightly at Mark.
“And what’s stopping you Jay? Couldn’t possibly have anything to do with Howard moving in could it?” Mark was quick to ask him, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
“Nope. Not unless your moping has got anything to do with the fact Gary hopped on a train to London yesterday and isn’t due to return for five days,” Jason shot back effortlessly, breezing off to put the kettle on, more than a little smug at the sound of Mark’s outraged yelp.
“That’s not fair, I was teasing you! You can’t flip that over on me!” Mark protested, his reaction extremely delayed as he dashed after Jason, coming up behind him as he flicked the switch on the kettle and turned around.
“Cheer up Markie, it’s the first time since you two started going out the he’s been away, right?” Jason asked, his tone tinged with a caring that quickly melted Mark’s annoyance.
“Right,” he conceded. Jason smiled kindly.
“So it’s the first time you two have been apart for more than ten seconds in months, right?” he pressed, tilting his head to one side to try and hold Mark’s gaze.
“Right,” Mark sighed heavily, admitting defeat and deciding he couldn’t hide a thing from Jason.
“So let me guess; you’re going out of your mind thinking about him, you even start to miss the things about him that normally drive you round the twist and the only way you can find to stave off boredom is to phone him (usually discovering you’ve managed to pick the most inconvenient moment) and generally, you just want to get on the first train and throw your arms around him,” Jason said, an understanding in his eyes that surprised Mark a little.
“How do you know all that stuff?!” he asked, incredulous. Jason laughed softly.
“Um, hello; my boyfriend is a DJ? He goes where the work is. And the work is often far away. Be thankful that this thing with Gary is just a one off,” he replied, handing Mark a mug of tea and a biscuit. Mark smiled at him gratefully, letting out a small whimper.
“I could have gone with him you know...but he’s the best man so he had to be there for the whole stag weekend thing as well as the wedding and I would have just been intruding. I’m going mad stuck on me own though,” he murmured into his tea and Jason squeezed his shoulder.
“First time Howard deserted me? Colour coded half my kitchen. You’ve got a way to go before you reach mad yet,” he assured him and Mark couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yeah, ok, you might have a point there! But all the same...I can’t get Gary Barlow out of my head and, although thinking about him doesn’t half make me feel giddy, it also is very distracting when you’re working in a cafe. And then today, when I have a day off, I think I’ll be ok but I’m not! I’m ten times worse! It’s gotten to the point now where I actually miss the way he always manages to let his biscuits crumble into his tea and the way he sings EVERYWHERE he goes and the way he can’t focus on me and a piano at once unless I drape myself across it. Those things used to be these little niggling annoyances and now...now I actually think they make me love him more. He wouldn’t be Gaz unless he let his McVities fall apart in his tea...” Mark spilt out. Jason nodded quietly.
“The splash marks alone drive me crazy...” he said with a playful smile but Mark knew there was a seriousness behind the statement.
“That’s coz you’re neurotic...speaking of which, how are you and your colour-coded kitchen utensils coping with Howard and his...um...” Mark waved his hand vaguely and Jason laughed.
“His not-so-colour-coded chaos? We’re surviving. He makes me not mind about that stuff so much. And I make him want to make me happy, which makes him tidy up...occasionally,” he smiled fondly.
“Aw; compromise has broken out then?” Mark chuckled and Jason nodded.
“Yeah...although I’m dreading his next long trip. It’s going to be ten times worse him not being around after having him in my house and everything,” he sighed.
“God, we make a right pair...” Mark remarked after a beat and Jason laughed.
“That we do. Now come on, drink up; there’s boxes to sort,” he said and Mark pulled a face.
“Can’t we just call that boyfriend of yours and get him to do some heavy-lifting?” he asked. Jason paused a moment, a mischievous yet thoughtful smile lingering in his blue eyes.
“You know what Markie, that sounds like an excellent idea!” he grinned and Mark laughed as Jason slowly fished out his phone from his pocket, pressing the much-used speed-dial for Howard’s mobile.
***
It took Gary a few moments to process the sight in front of him. He was pretty sure that when he had left his flat a few days ago, Mark Owen had not been on his sofa doing his best Eskimo impression. But, having said that, he was pretty sure Mark had been giving him those exact same puppy-dog eyes. It seemed Mark wasn’t going to be the one to break the surprised silence.
“Not that I’m not extraordinarily happy to see you here but; how on earth did you get into my flat?” Gary asked, breaking the silence on Mark’s behalf. Mark grinned back at him widely.
“Jay told me where you keep the spare key,” he replied brightly and Gary quirked an eyebrow.
“Security isn’t his top priority then...” he commented, mostly to himself but Mark pouted.
“Hey! I’m not a security risk!” he protested, rustling the throw-cover he was buried in, trying his best to look authoritative and failing. It was hard to be taken seriously when wearing a throw cover wrapped over your head, slipper-boots, two pairs of pyjamas and a woolly hat whilst clutching a hot water bottle to your chest.
“No, you’ve just stolen anything remotely warm from my flat,” Gary pointed out with a chuckle.
“But it smells of you!” Mark told him quietly, the puppy-dog eyes returning in a flash. Even if he had wanted to deny how sweet Mark was he wouldn’t be able to. All the sugar he consumed had to go somewhere if it wasn’t going to his waistline, Gary supposed.
“You broke into my house to smell me?” he questioned slowly, sinking down onto the sofa next to Mark with a gently teasing smile, his blue eyes glowing with mirth.
“I missed you! And I didn’t break in, I used the spare key, I thought we’d covered that,” Mark frowned softly, scrunching up his nose and blowing fluff from the throw-cover out of his mouth. Gary let out another soft chuckle, running a hand through his ash-blonde hair so that it stuck out at all angles. They made quite a pair really. There he was, a pullover that was probably wildly unfashionable, hair looking like he’d been dragged through a particularly nasty hedge and stubble that would make a homeless man grimace. And then there was Mark looking like a cardigan factory had just exploded in the nightwear department at M&S. Not the conventional couple but the scene made him smile nonetheless. Mark still looked up at him with wide eyes, a tiny, playful smile tugging at the very corners of his lips. Gary knew it was taking everything Mark had not to throw his arms around him.
“One more question before I hug you to within an inch of your life; why are you dressed up like it’s Christmas in the North Pole?” he asked with a smirk and Mark chewed his lip slightly.
“I couldn’t work out how to turn your heating on,” he admitted shyly, making Gary laugh, shaking his head a little before offering out his arms. Mark saw the affection in Gary’s eyes and he was quick to throw out his own arms, inviting Gary to join him in the shelter of the throw cover.
Once a compromise had been reached over the ratio of who got how much throw cover, the two settled in for the night, turning on the TV and snuggling down. Their comfort was only interrupted briefly for Gary to make them both some tea and refill the hot water bottle before he joined Mark on the sofa once more. A biscuit and a brew in his clutches and Mark safely tucked into his side, Gary sent a silent ‘Thank You’ Jason’s way, knowing that somehow his best mate had known exactly what would be best for him to come home to after his time away. He guessed that Jason knew from experience and briefly he debated just how many times Jason had greeted Howard with similar domesticity after time away. It wasn’t long before Mark had his attention once more, however, and he held Gary mesmerised as he wittered away about everything under the sun. The TV was quickly forgotten against Mark’s glittering light and whilst Mark babbled, Gary stroked at strands of Mark’s hair, tucking it back under the woollen hat he was wearing. Gary pressed a quiet kiss to Mark’s temple as Mark finally stopped talking, watching him a moment with a faraway smile on his lips.
“I missed you too you know,” he whispered gently and Mark looked up at him, eyes dancing.
“Yeah. I know,” he nodded, not taking his eyes away from Gary’s as Gary touched a hand to his cheek. Mark shifted himself even closer to Gary’s side, tracing his finger absentmindedly along the pattern of Gary’s unfashionable jumper. Gary gave him another kiss, this time pressing it to his forehead, drawing Mark’s eyes back to his. The silence between them crackled warmly. It was Mark who finally reached up to press his lips to Gary’s, deepening the kiss quietly. Gary felt the throw-cover slip from their shoulders as he pulled Mark into his arms and before he was really aware of what was happening, he was tugging Mark up with him, pulling him off down the corridor.
5.
Howard let out a low whistle, appreciating the view as his husband came over to join him outside, two glasses of wine in his hands, sunlight dancing about the beautiful lines of his face, brown hair a little mussed but those blue eyes as sharp as ever. His husband. That had gotten so easy to say so quickly. Their first night married and here he was, already throwing around his claim to this man like he’d been doing it all his life. He could hardly believe that he, Howard Donald, the Sunday morning of boyfriends, could have fallen so stupidly hard. It was ridiculous that he could be married to this man and yet still feel his heart jump softly against his ribcage as that smile – the one that he knew belonged to him and him alone – was sent his way beneath the sunset. He took one of the wine glasses quietly, shuffling along the seat slightly to let Jason join him. It was getting cooler but it was still just about warm enough to be sitting out here and Howard honestly couldn’t even dream of moving as he felt Jason curl up against his side, setting his own wine glass down on the little table and pulling his hands as far inside his sleeves as possible. The hoody was actually one of Howard’s and it somewhat dwarfed Jason’s slight, slender frame. But Howard was not about to tell Jason to change. He couldn’t explain the attraction of Jason wearing his clothes, but it was there and it was worth submitting to. As Jason rested his head on Howard’s chest, Howard planted a kiss to the top of his head, studying the man in his arms a second with a tiny flicker of worry in his head.
“We didn’t just screw up all of this forever did we?” he asked quietly, biting his lip. Jason paused a moment, raising his head a little to look at Howard and letting out a small chuckle, pressing himself even closer to Howard’s side.
“And the prize for most romantic speech of the decade goes to...” he remarked, giving Howard a small peck on the cheek before settling back against his chest. Howard chuckled despite himself, giving Jason a firm squeeze.
“Sorry I just...I didn’t mean...urgh, I don’t know what I mean,” he sighed, rolling his eyes and resting his chin on top of Jason’s head. Jason smiled a little, placing a gentle palm over Howard’s heartbeat.
“And I thought I was supposed to bring the crazy to this relationship,” he retorted teasingly, his voice soft and warm as it vibrated against Howard’s chest. Howard couldn’t help but laugh slightly at the statement. That was the way it was always called wasn’t it? Jason would say stuff that no one could really unpick and then Howard would tease him mercilessly before eventually admitting that he kind of understood exactly where Jason was coming from and Jason would just smile in that way that said ‘You get me’ and made Howard’s spine shiver with electricity.
“That’s what I thought, but you’ve been so bloody laid-back all day that I thought I ought to balance things up a bit,” Howard shot back and Jason smirked.
“Hmm, I’m not buying it for one second Donald,” he countered and Howard glanced down at him, meeting his eyes and giving Jason his very own version of the ‘You get me’ smile.
“I just...I mean...we didn’t just...” Howard stumbled over his words and promptly lost them all, waving a vague hand before turning his eyes back out to the sunset. Jason looked up at him with that unwavering blue gaze that Howard couldn’t resist and he found his eyes drawn back to him with ease, relieved to see the look of understanding in Jason’s face.
“Nothing’s changed, How,” Jason stated simply, eyes holding Howard’s without a flicker of doubt.
“But...” Howard began to protest, but he stopped as he felt Jason press his palm a little more forcefully against his chest, eyes still locked on his.
“The commitment was to a person. Not to a lifestyle. I’m still me. I have no desire to upset any balances for the sake of a white picket fence or a cat called Felix or whatever the hell else you’re terrified I’ll start to want more than you, ok? I love you. No trappings, no conditions and definitely no changes,” Jason assured him, his voice was quiet and calm and it pulled a smile from Howard’s lips with ease. Howard stroked his thumb absently along Jason’s back, leaning their foreheads together.
“You really mean that?” he asked tentatively and Jason rolled his eyes with light teasing.
“You really think I don’t?”
“No.”
“We’re not going to change, you know. Not because of a piece of paper. You were already closer than everyone else, now it’s just...a promise to keep you there.”
“Just?” Howard half-laughed, leaning their foreheads together.
“You drive me insane,” Jason smiled back at up at him, playful and serious all at once. Howard pressed a kiss to Jason’s forehead.
“I so love you,” he mumbled and Jason smiled up at him.
“Good, coz you’re stuck with me.”
“Jason Orange, play nice!”
“Go on then; I might just so love you too.”
6.
Gary and Mark watched quietly as Howard coaxed Jason awake at last. With Howard’s gentle fingers brushing at his hair, Jason finally let the world pull back into focus, his eyes slowly blinking open and a small smile curling up the corners of his lips as he set his gaze upon Howard’s face. The pair shared a brief kiss, lips pressed quietly together, a shared moment almost entirely unnoticed by the people gathered around the room. Gary noticed the way Jason held Howard’s gaze as he softly laced their fingers together, unwaveringly blue eyes staying locked as Howard clasped his hand tightly. It was as they watched Howard silently lead Jason across to the dance floor, arms falling softly around him as they fell into step with the music, that Mark squeezed Gary’s arm a little tighter, resting his chin on Gary’s shoulder.
“Think we’ll ever make it look that easy?” Mark asked quietly and Gary tilted his head.
“What, dancing? Not likely. That pair were born for it, but I’ve got two left feet me...” he replied and Mark gave him a playful nudge in the side, forcing Gary to turn and look at him. Gary smiled and drew Mark a little closer to him.
“You know what I meant,” Mark pouted slightly, but he accepted Gary’s warm squeeze as apology.
“I don’t want to be unromantic Markie but; probably not. Jason and Howard are the sort of people are can make a lot of things look effortless, even when they’re not. We’re more...bumbling than either of them,” Gary said after a beat and Mark smiled lopsidedly.
“That’s not unromantic. That’s actually kind of sweet, it means we’re both doing the same dance-steps. We’re just not as good at making them look proper like Jay and Howard are,” he murmured, looking up at Gary with warm eyes.
“Are you saying I actually got something right for once?” Gary joked lightly, glancing down to meet Mark’s gaze. His blue eyes reflected the fading sunset, light dancing across his chiselled face.
“There’s a first time for everything,” Mark teased, but he appeased Gary quickly with a peck on the lips. Gary laughed softly, shaking his head a little before glancing back at Jason and Howard who were clearly lost in their own world.
“Maybe we can make it look that easy after all then, eh?” he smiled and Mark beamed up at him.
“Don’t get ideas above your station, Barlow,” he grinned and Gary pulled a face.
“I liked you better when you still had that lollipop,” he shot back and Mark stuck his tongue out.
After a few minutes of easy silence, Mark glanced up at Gary, a small frown creasing his face as he noticed Gary’s expression. Gary seemed to notice Mark’s gaze and he looked down slowly.
“Watcha thinking?” Mark asked quietly and Gary smiled.
“That this must be the first time in the history of the world that someone can screw up as monumentally as I have and still get to spend a first night being married to you,” he replied.
“You’re only planning on spending the first night with me? What happened to the rest of our lives?” Mark protested but he held Gary tightly for good measure. Gary himself chuckled.
“Sorry, I guess I undershot,” he nodded, leaning his head against Mark’s and pressing a kiss to his temple. Mark smiled and leant into the embrace a little.
“And to think I was about to tell you that you hadn’t even screwed up that monumentally,” Mark pouted playfully, a twinkle in his eyes.
“It was enough to get you on a plane to New York,” Gary pointed out.
“I was enough to get you on a plane to New York,” Mark countered quickly. Gary was about to protest when someone cleared their throat behind them. Both of them turned and were a little surprised to see Jason and Howard standing there, Jason’s arms wrapped around Howard’s middle as if he needed the support just to stay standing. Despite the tiredness in his eyes, there was a gentle shine to his smile and his mind was as sharp as ever.
“When you two are quite finished arguing the time of day...” he teased softly and, whilst Gary had the decency to blush, Mark beamed unashamedly.
“Your point being...?” he asked brightly. Jason raised an eyebrow though Gary noticed the way Howard held onto him a little tighter. Lord only knew how Jason could keep going off so little sleep – Gary’s eyelids refused to open properly without his recommended eight hours a night.
“Well, despite the late hour, you pair still haven’t had your first dance and people are starting to talk,” Jason smiled, shrinking himself into Howard’s strong chest.
“In any case, we have one last little present for you and I need this one still upright in order to get it to you,” Howard put in, giving Jason a small squeeze and dropping a brief kiss to his temple. Mark and Gary frowned but Jason smiled.
“Don’t think I didn’t see your ears prick up at ‘present’ Markie,” he teased with a slight roll of his eyes before glancing up at Howard who gave him a small nod.
Gary frowned in confusion as Howard and Jason turned away, heading for the small stage at the head of the dance floor. But when he saw Jason taking his guitar in hand, a small smile of realisation touched his lips, causing Mark to look at him in questioning. Gary simply took Mark’s hand, pulling him up from his seat and leading him across to the dance floor, a small path clearing for them as Howard announced their first dance. Jason flashed him a smile over Mark’s shoulder and Gary took a steadying breath as he placed his hands on Mark’s hips, relaxing a little as Jason began to play.
“Here standing in the rain,
the sun has gone again
and nothing's gonna change.
Time, I need a little time,
as you slip out of sight,
and nothing heals the pain...” Howard’s voice was warm and effortless and Gary leant his forehead against Mark’s with a quiet smile.
“I can’t believe they dug this out,” he murmured as Howard continued.
“And I know that it's you
That's stopping me from falling...” Howard exchanged a small smile with Jason who somehow seemed to be keeping himself awake even without Howard’s support.
“Dug it out from where?” Mark asked Gary quietly and Gary shrugged.
“Somewhere in the depths of my despair I think. I almost talked myself out of getting on that plane by saying ‘nothing’s going to change’...Jay and Howard turned it into our song,” he replied as Howard sang on. A smile of realisation crept into Mark’s face as he realised the true meaning of the words and he glanced across at Howard who was still singing softly whilst he and Gary danced.
“Crashing down, losing ground
‘til I see you again
And you know;
The sun will shine, and we will see,
there's nothing standing in our way.
Love will stand and never break,
never thought this could be me.
Do you feel what I feel,
every time that you are near?
It's a beautiful world
A beautiful world...” Howard and Jason sang together now and the words rang so true as Mark looked up into Gary’s eyes. He drew himself as close to Gary as possible, pressing a lingering kiss to Gary’s lips. He hardly noticed all the eyes on them. He barely registered Jason and Howard – if it wasn’t for their music he probably would have forgotten about them entirely. But those words struck a chord in his heart and he knew this would be a first to remember.
As the song began to reach its final stages, others at last began to join them on the dance floor and Gary couldn’t help but be a little relieved that his dancing was no longer everyone’s focus. His relief only distracted him momentarily, however, as Mark’s eyes reconnected with his just in time for Howard to sing back Gary’s own words from that day at the airport as he’d vowed all the things he would do for Mark only to have Jason point out to him that if he could do all that he could manage one flight to New York for the sake of a proposal.
“I'll be the stars guiding you...” Howard sang and Mark looked up at Gary with a question in his eyes.
“Did you say that?” he asked quietly, reading Gary’s mind.
“I said if I could rearrange the stars to guide you back then...” Gary began, finding his sentence cut off with a kiss.
“I'll be the place that you hide...” Howard continued as Mark pulled back.
“That too?” he asked Gary quietly and Gary smiled shyly before being kissed once more.
“I'd run a thousand miles,
A thousand miles to be by your side...” Howard smiled with a shake of his head as Mark gave Gary yet another kiss for the sentiment.
“Didn’t manage to run to New York as such but the point still stands,” Gary chuckled and Mark grinned up at him, rolling his eyes in teasing.
“At this point I really don’t care,” he assured Gary as Jason and Howard sang out once more that it was a beautiful world and as he shared his first dance with his husband, Gary couldn’t help but agree.
Gary had never actually seen Jason like this before, but then in the time he had known Jason the older man had spent little time in the dating world. When Jason first became a regular part of Gary’s world, he had already been dating a man called Ryan for two years. The two had eventually decided they were better as friends, Ryan had moved to back down to London and Jason hadn’t dated anyone else for some time. Certainly no one that was of any great importance. Judging by the sight before him, Gary concluded that Howard Donald was the man who had finally managed to reignite Jason’s interest in actually having a love life. For a moment or two Gary found himself speechless; he himself wasn’t exactly adept in the art of dating and Jason was the one who tended to dish out the advice in their friendship. But as Jason hurried back and forth, occasionally appearing in variations on his outfit, always finding new jobs to be done before he left the house and muttering to himself about every possible thing that could go wrong, Gary realised he had to come up with something sometime soon to stop Jason driving himself crazy.
“Would it help if I sang?” he asked at last and he leant over slightly, peering down the corridor in search of where Jason had now disappeared to. After a beat Jason’s head appeared around the bedroom door, eyebrows crooked, a smirk on his lips.
“How exactly would that help?” he chuckled, shaking his head at Gary before disappearing back into his bedroom. Gary shrugged.
“Well I don’t know, I just thought it might calm you down a bit! Honestly Jay, I swear you never got this het up over...who was that bloke? Couple of years back? Jake was it? Jack? John?” he sighed. Jason leant out of his bedroom door once again, rolling his eyes at Gary, smiling lopsidedly.
“Yeah well, that’s exactly the point; who was that bloke?! Even I can’t remember his name,” he pointed out, screwing his face up slightly before ducking back into his bedroom.
“Maybe it was George...but still! You barely even blinked when you went out with him for the first time...and you must have done something right coz you two went out for a month or so at least...” Gary commented, frowning slightly. Jason let out a long breath as he finally re-emerged from his room having changed into yet another variation on his outfit.
“Give over, of course I remember his name Gaz! He was called Jacob! I was making a point if you must know! What I meant when I asked who he was is that...he really didn’t matter that much to me. It was a while since I’d dated anyone, we got on well and...well, he appeased my family, I appeased his friends and we found each other nice to look at. It didn’t matter if I screwed up my first date with him, I could deal with him never wanting to see me again. Besides which he probably wouldn’t have scrutinised anything I did close enough to notice anything bad. Howard is...different,” Jason explained, although Gary still looked at him with muddled blue eyes.
“But what’s the big deal?! You’ve been mates for months...and he’s already said he loves you hasn’t he? It’s not so much a first date more...an excuse to kiss him in public without old ladies staring at you,” Gary shrugged. Jason chuckled despite himself, blushing at little at the memory and pinching the bridge of his nose, letting out a long breath before sitting himself down on the arm of the sofa.
“That’s kind of the point though, Gaz...both of us seem to think we could actually love each other. Both of us are...involved already. He can already read me better than anyone else I know and...I haven’t put up any walls to try and stop that. So know, after letting myself be that exposed...if I screw it up? I don’t just get my heart broken, but I probably would lose him as a friend too,” Jason admitted and Gary tilted his head to one side, giving Jason a sympathetic smile.
“Jay, you numpty – you and him clicked from the second he walked into the shop and you know it. You have a natural patter happening between the two of you that you both established on day one, like you’d known each other a lifetime or five. I’m more than positive that he got chatting to you because you are funny, you are clever and, above all, you are absolutely fascinating to talk to. He sees every part of you, Jay. The way he looks at you, he sees it all. And none of it puts him off – rightly so! I’m willing to bet that, short of running naked through Manchester yodelling, he’s not going to be phased if you go a little bit nuts on him. Actually, he’d be a bit disappointed if you didn’t,” Gary chided him kindly and Jason laughed, his head tipping to one side in slight embarrassment that he’d let himself get so het up.
“Thanks Gaz,” he said softly, meeting Gary’s eyes. Gary waved him off.
“You won’t be saying that when I burst into song!” he teased, taking a deep breath as if he were about to sing. Jason chuckled but their banter was cut short by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Jason stared at the door a moment, seeming a little panic stricken, and Gary couldn’t help but smile at him with affection. He honestly hadn’t realised that Howard with this important to Jason but he recognised the emotions crossing Jason’s face. This was how he felt about Mark too. “You really think he could be the love of your life out there don’t you?” he observed quietly as Jason bit his lip, still staring nervously at the door.
“Am I insane?” he asked Gary quietly and Gary laughed, looking down at the floor.
“Probably. But, if it helps I think that’s a good thing. The whole love thing is a bit insane isn’t it? I’m not exactly experienced in any of this but...I think it’s the ones who send us round the twist that are supposed to be the ones we chase after. Now for God’s sake let the man in before he thinks you’ve changed you mind!” Gary told him, a twinkle in his eyes.
“Oh God!” Jason exclaimed, suddenly remembering that Howard was left standing outside. Gary couldn’t help but laugh as his friend hurried over to the door.
“Just remember, no yodelling!” he called after him, receiving a playful glare for his troubles.
***
If Jason had been nervous at the start of the evening, he had forgotten about it by the time he and Howard had left the restaurant. An amused twinkle had set itself in his eyes almost as soon as he had opened the door to his apartment; Howard had looked at him and forgotten to talk for a drawn out moment and Jason had been both flattered and entertained by the expression on the other man’s face. It had been enough to reassure Jason that he wasn’t the only one being sent slowly insane before he’d even had time to catch a breath. With that reassurance in mind it had been easy for him to relax again, be the Jason that had accidentally made Howard fall in love with him in the first place. Neither one of them had been blind to the subtle frisson between them over dinner, neither one had ignored the growing meaning behind every glance they exchanged, but, despite having already kissed (extremely passionately) for the first time, they kept their hands to themselves, choosing instead to flirt shamelessly and simply enjoy each other’s company. It was obvious to Jason that Howard was no more enamoured with the idea of their night ending than he was and as they made the walk back to Howard’s car they took the scenic route, strolling together through the park.
It had been Howard who had slowed their pace a little, fallen perfectly into step with Jason, just waiting for the moment their fingers brushed. And once they did, he had caught gently onto Jason’s hand, taking it in his own. Jason had glanced over a him with a soft smile, the moonlight glimmering calmly in his blue eyes. Those eyes could pierce through the darkness so strongly that Howard could feel every line his gaze traced as they walked. Jason gave his hand the smallest of squeezes.
“So, is this where you take all your dates then?” Jason asked him with quiet playfulness. Howard grinned, looking down at the ground a moment before meeting Jason’s eyes again.
“No...no, just the ones who manage to make me fall for them without even trying,” he admitted honestly. He was naturally shy but Jason seemed to take that shyness away from him, for the most part. But he still felt the need to drop his gaze, self-conscious and very away of those blue eyes on him. Jason smiled, recognising the waver in Howard’s confidence and leaning into him slightly.
“So tell me Howard Donald, how many people have dared to do that to an innocent man like you?” Jason murmured and Howard looked back up at him, aware of them walking a little closer together now. Howard Jason loved the way the moonlight bounced in his shy blue eyes and he smiled at the timid way Howard ran a hand through his curly black locks, ruffling them lightly. Underneath that shy man was a far less shy, far less innocent man and, if you looked closely enough, you could see it lingering in his smile. But Howard noticed Jason didn’t have to look quite so closely. He just knew, instinctively, drew it all to the surface.
“Funny you should mention that. Because there’s really only been the one...” Howard began and Jason tilted his head.
“You expect me to believe that?” he smiled, the mischievous glint in his eyes all the encouragement Howard needed.
“I think you already know it actually.”
“Just the one?”
“Yeah. This one, stunning, charming, maddening bloke.”
“Maddening?” Jason asked with a laugh, raising an eyebrow. Howard chuckled.
“Oh yeah. Well, I certainly lost a few nights of sleep over him anyway,” he grinned.
“Hmm, sure sounds like you might just mean mad,” Jason shot back quickly.
“Probably. But I don’t really mind. I quite like it actually. It just makes me want to kiss him actually. A lot. And often,” he replied, meeting Jason’s gaze yet again. They could both feel it there; that frisson between them sparkling once more, getting stronger, more meaningful.
“Really?” Jason questioned in a whisper and Howard nodded.
“Really.”
“Well in that case you’ll have to tell me more,” Jason told him, flicking his gaze up to Howard’s then looking down at the ground.
“About the kissing or the man?” Howard asks slyly and Jason laughed.
“You choose.”
“I think you know what I'd choose though.”
“Well, I think something as frivolous as kissing needs a bit of explanation, don’t you?”
“If you say so,” Howard grinned.
“Yes, I do,” Jason laughed softly.
“Well I guess I’ll have to tell you then...”
“Tell away.”
“He made me talk.”
“Made you?”
“I’m shy.”
“On the outside maybe.”
“He said that too.”
“Clever man.”
“Amazing man. I knew that much from moment one.”
“Moment one?” Jason smiled, looking up at him with a smile.
“Maybe moment two. Moment one was all about his eyes. Sounds stupid but...I almost thought I’d seen them before. Which is maybe why I wasn’t so shy anymore.”
“So I take it this wasn’t just any old bloke then?”
“Trust me, Jay, I knew he was special. I don’t think anyone has ever understood me so quickly. Like it all came naturally to us,” Howard said with a small, bashful smile.
“Sounds like you made your mind up pretty quickly,” Jason remarked Howard couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He knew all about Jason’s opinions on ‘love at first sight’ and, if he was honest, he agreed with him on them; saying you love someone needs more than just foundations, no matter how strong those foundations were. No, it needed to be built of many things, good things, more things. But his and Jason’s foundations...they had been founded on something strong. Easiness and a natural pattern of back-and-forth. No, love at first sight wasn’t really what he had felt. He’d felt...intrigue? A little. And familiarity. Something so simple it was glorious.
“I didn’t fall, if that’s what you mean.”
“Really,” Jason raised an eyebrow, looking tentatively hopeful.
“Well...I might’ve stumbled,” Howard grinned back and Jason chuckled.
“Hmm.”
“But mostly I just...wanted to know him as well as I felt like I already did,” Howard assured Jason softly and he was pleased when he saw the flicker of understanding that crossed Jason’s face.
“I hope you didn’t find anything that made you change your mind,” he commented.
“I’m quite stubborn, Jay, you know? I don’t really change my mind often,” Howard murmured, stopping walking and turning to face Jason. Jason too stopped glancing up at Howard’s face, a slight incline to his head. They could both feel the air between them becoming charged once more and both of them could hazard a subtle guess at what would follow.
“I think I might’ve had a similar experience,” Jason said softly, feeling Howard’s fingers brush his cheek. He stayed facing forwards though, letting Howard lean into him instead.
“Then tell me,” Howard murmured, his fingers grazing at strands of Jason’s fringe.
“I could. But I think, How...that you already know,” Jason’s voice was quiet and soft and as he spoke he turned his head upwards, meeting Howard’s gaze. Howard smiled slowly, his hand coming to rest at Jason’s neck as Jason turned, lifting his own hand up to touch Howard’s face. For a moment each the both watched each other, wondering briefly if anything more needed to be said. Howard felt his heart knocking against his ribs in agitation, unable to bear the anticipation a moment longer. At last he dipped his head ever-so-slightly and Jason, somehow always on Howard’s frequency, tipped his face upwards, his eyes briefly catching Howard’s before they closed. Jason allowed Howard close and any final barriers were broken as Howard’s lips were allowed to meet his own. This kiss was different to that one in the rain. This was deeper, less frantic, less need to prove to each other that their heart was truly in this. No, this kiss didn’t need any conscious assurances, its tenderness alone was enough to make Howard’s bones ache in recognition. His muscles tensed, pulling Jason’s body closer to his own. Jason stretched himself in Howard’s arms, fitting his frame into Howard’s, allowing himself to be tugged and clutched at in a way he had never let anyone else. No one had ever held him this way before. Kissed him this way before. Howard’s heartbeat was soft against the palm of his hand as he pressed it to Howard’s chest, the sound strangely familiar to him despite the relatively brief time they had known each other. First date it may be, but Jason knew that, for some reason, he and Howard Donald had been custom made for each other’s arms.
2.
Gary sneezed for what he was sure was the thousandth time in the last five minutes, whimpering slightly before letting himself fall back against the cushions. This really wasn’t how he’d wanted to spend today but, as he heard Mark singing to himself in the kitchen, he concluded that maybe things weren’t all bad. Ok, so he had the cold from hell that had been sent to him just in time for the day he had carefully set aside to take Mark out on their first date. But, on the bright side, he’d still managed to stagger as far as Mark’s flat where he’d been greeted like he was some sort of invalid, ushered onto the sofa and handed the remote as Mark had disappeared to buy tinned soup. It was strange, he decided, that he had been falling in love with Mark this whole time, without realising. Because now he was sat here, his head making strange whooshing sounds if he moved too quickly, it was very clear to him that he loved every detail of Mark Owen so obviously and evidently that the whooshing could actually be drowned out by Mark’s chirruping voice.
Groggily Gary looked over his shoulder as he heard Mark approaching, sniffing forlornly and making Mark smile at him in sympathy. In his hands he carried a tray laden with tissues and Lemsip and a piping hot bowl of soup; Gary could honestly say no sight had been more gorgeous to him in all his life. He wasn’t sure if it was Mark’s wide, sparkling eyes or the head-clearing scent of the Lemsip that sweetened the deal the most but as Mark grinned at him he decided it really didn’t matter. Placing the selection of cures on the coffee table in front of Gary, Mark was quick to clamber onto the sofa, giving Gary’s arm a small hug before he reached into his pocket, producing a packet of bonbons and settling down.
“Ok, so what are we watching?” he asked, tilting his head slightly and frowning at the screen.
“I’m not entirely sure. It might be Bargain Hunt...or it might be something else. Should I worry that my vision is a bit blurry?” Gary asked. Mark looked at him steadily a moment before quickly leaning over and reaching for the Lemsip. Gary chuckled softly, taking the mug and closing his eyes a moment to appreciate its warmth against his hands. Mark laughed.
“You are definitely ski-whiff today, Gaz,” he grinned, shaking his head and subtly taking back control of the remote. Gary smiled faintly, nodding.
“You’re probably right there, Marko...but then you have a way of making me a bit ski-whiff if you must know,” he admitted quietly. The romance of the statement was only marginally dulled by his blocked nose and Mark found his heart suitably melted, squeezing Gary’s arm affectionately.
“Yeah well, you’re not so bad yourself,” he replied. Gary could only sneeze in reply, making Mark giggle. Gary pulled a face.
“Urgh, I wouldn’t get too close mind,” he warned and Mark rolled his eyes.
“Oh shush, I’m fine. I’m germ resistant,” he told Gary with confidence.
“Germ resistant?” he repeated, his eyebrows raised in scepticism. Mark shrugged, pushing himself up a little to plant a kiss on Gary’s cheek. Gary couldn’t really argue with that.
As the two of them fell into easy silence, Gary counted his lucky stars he’d bothered to make the effort today instead of just standing Mark up point blank. It was odd having a raincloud over your head and sitting on Cloud Nine all at once but that was certainly how he felt as he glanced down at Mark pressed so contentedly to his side. Truth be told he had often wondered – on off days and ill days and God-life’s-so-rubbish days – what it would be like to be comforted by Mark Owen, to have the right to Mark Owen’s smile, to be able to lay claim to Mark’s Owen’s affections. He wasn’t sure why it was him who had had such an honour granted him but now it was here he could quite safely say that the reality was far better than the imagined scene. As the Lemsip began to aid his stuffy head, he was able to catch the faintest breath of strawberries and sherbet and he smiled to himself with fondness as he watched Mark pop yet another sugary treat into his mouth, dust resting lightly on the corner of his lip. Mark caught him watching and flashed him an impish grin.
“What, you want one?” he asked with an innocent smile but Gary could only laugh and turn his gaze self-consciously back to the TV. Mark wasn’t sure what Gary had to be shy about. He was the stunning one; his jawline was chiselled and, despite his cold, those blue eyes were still a bold flash of daring blue. His hair, though mussed up from having Mark’s hands run through it gently in a form of healing rarely practiced by doctors, fell softly across his forehead, framing his sleepy face perfectly. Even when croaky his voice was still like a log fire in winter. Welcoming and warm. Pulling him in. Mark wasn’t sure how long he could just sit next to Gary – for some reason his being an invalid for the day only made him more attractive – and willpower had never been one of Mark’s greatest strengths. Resting his head on Gary’s shoulder he contemplated whether Gary Barlow was worth getting a cold for.
***
Gary wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but by the time he woke up the sun was setting and Mark’s flat was filled with shades of purple and amber, reflected brightly in Mark’s shining eyes. A blanket had been put around him since he fell asleep, but Mark was still next to him, looking up at him with those eyes of his. His head was a little less foggy now, though his throat was still sore and he couldn’t help but cast a longing glance at the fresh bowl of soup Mark had placed before him. He hadn’t heard Mark make it but he couldn’t stop himself looking at it greedily. Mark didn’t seem to register the gaze however, more concerned with studying every detail of Gary’s face. Gary slowly turned back to look at Mark and Mark smiled at him, sitting up a little further to tuck strands of Gary’s hair into an order only he understood. Gary felt something in his chest constrict and for once he knew this was no symptom of his cold. Any fool could have told him; a symptom of Mark it clearly was. He couldn’t stop his grin spreading when Mark finally pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek.
“And when you’re better, you can have a proper kiss,” Mark promised and Gary raised an eyebrow.
“Blimey – you got anymore Lemsip?” he joked and Mark chuckled, swatting at him playfully before reaching for the soup.
“Come on invalid, let’s get some of this down you,” he said with a small shake of his head and Gary laughed as Mark offered him a spoonful.
“A kiss and you’re feeding me food? Anyone would think this was a date,” he teased, taking a sip of the offered soup and holding Mark’s gaze. Mark shrugged.
“Maybe it is a date,” he suggested, a playful shine to his cheeks as he fed Gary another spoonful.
“Oh really. You really want to tell your mates your first date with me involved Lemsip and Bargain Hunt do you?” Gary countered but Mark’s grin only widened.
“Well my best mate is Jay and I don’t think anything would surprise him with us anymore. Besides, I want to tell my mates that my first date with you involved you...” he told Gary simply. Gary smiled.
“Just me, you really don’t care about anything else as long as I’m here?” he asked, unable to hide the pride that touched his voice. Mark fed him another spoonful of soup as he nodded.
“Well...just you...and a kiss...and me feeding you food...” he conceded making Gary laugh.
“You’re just going to skip over the Bargain Hunt and the Lemsip then?” he pointed out and Mark pulled at face, giving Gary a playful jab in the ribs.
“Least the Lemsip didn’t talk so much!” he teased and Gary looked at his hands.
“Sorry...bad habit of mine,” he said and Mark rolled his eyes.
“Yours? Have you met me?! I can witter for England. Anyway, if you really think it’s that bad, then I know a way you can make it up to me...” he began and Gary raised his eyes to Mark’s.
“Oh really?” he asked, intrigued.
“Well the way I see it, you’re racking up some serious kiss debt here...so you need to promise me you’re going to kiss me senseless next time we go on a date. Ok?” Mark offered, all mischief now. Gary couldn’t stop the twinkle which touched his eyes.
“Blimey,” he said simply and Mark giggled.
“Blimey indeed,” he agreed.
3.
Howard groaned slightly as he sleepily turned over the in bed, trying to ignore the fact that his brain was starting to wake up. It was only when his arm connected with something else in the bed with him that he let the fog of his mind begin to clear, groggily opening his eyes and squinting at the room he was in. As the room came slightly into focus, he became aware of the moonlight which filtered across the room, reminding him that this was most definitely not his flat. Rubbing a hand over his face Howard smiled to himself, memories of last night slowly coming back to him. He remembered where he was now and he was amazed that any sleep could have been deep enough to make him forget. It had been a fair few weeks of increasingly powerful sparks flying between them but Howard was now waking up to Jason Orange by his side for the first time. And he couldn’t quite believe it.
Traces of morning were beginning to touch the corners of the Manchester sky outside, tapping amber fingerprints along Jason’s silhouette and adding a quiet glow to his naturally warm skin. Howard’s eyes fell on the sight gratefully and he watched Jason sleep a moment, watching his breaths and remembering the feeling of them against his skin last night. He propped himself up on his elbow, tentatively brushing his fingers at the hair which fell across Jason’s forehead and holding his breath a moment when Jason stirred. Jason let out a small whimper in his sleep, turning over slowly, subconsciously folding himself against Howard’s form before settling once more. Howard felt his breath hitch in his throat, a disbelieving smile colouring the corners of his lips. This was his first morning waking up to Jason and he hoped to goodness it wouldn’t be his last; the way his dark lashes fanned against his skin, the unreadable smile that was just visible on his lips. His breath was touching Howard’s skin again, slower and steadier than the night before. Howard liked the intimacy of it – Jason’s life and his life intertwined by it. Breath and skin – this was Jason at his most unguarded and yet still he was twisting himself closer and closer. Lord only knew what he’d done in a past life to earn this, because he was sure that he wasn’t worthy of it. He was just Howard Donald. He was just an ordinary bloke, nothing special; he lost his car keys and slept in late and he was pretty sure he had never managed to string together a truly beautiful sentiment in all his life. But Jason...Jason was stunning; piercing eyes and piercing insight, as fiercely intelligent as he was mischievous. Shy in different ways to Howard, strong in different ways to Howard. Ways that complimented Howard, perhaps. But still Howard wasn’t sure he had any right to last or this morning, to his place in this bed. Jason stirred slightly again and Howard’s heart responded by missing a beat. Jason was all but curled up in his arms now and Howard found that his willpower had deserted him; he wasn’t sure what force took him over but he bent his head just enough to press a lingering kiss against Jason’s temple. The smile it placed on Jason’s lips as he slowly slipped into consciousness was enough to assure Howard he was right to follow his instincts and he quietly planted another slow kiss against corner of Jason’s mouth. Jason’s eyes flickered open, meeting with Howard’s own and glinting in the remnants of moonlight that rested between them.
“Hey,” he murmured softly and Howard smiled slightly.
“Hey,” he half-chuckled in response, letting Jason cross the final centimetres between them and rest himself against Howard’s chest as if he’d been lying there his whole life.
“You know it’s only about...three? Four?” Jason guessed in a fond whisper, not seeming to object.
“I know. I just don’t care,” Howard replied gently and Jason smiled slightly.
“Selfish bastard,” Jason told him softly.
“Are you complaining?”
“No. Just making a point,” Jason chuckled sleepily and Howard traced his fingers along Jason’s skin.
“Hey, you sleep that close to me, I’m going to pull you even closer,” he smiled. Jason closed his eyes again and curled in closer to Howard.
“Good,” he replied simply. Howard looked down at him then in vague amazement, taking in a breath and letting himself sink further back against the pillows, looking up at the ceiling. Jason’s eyes opened then, and he looked up at Howard, reacting to the almost imperceptible increase in their distance. He pushed himself up Howard’s body, one hand moving to touch his face, causing Howard to smile a little ruefully.
“Explain to me what it is I did to deserve you being this close to me,” he whispered at last. Jason looked at him steadily, his head tilted slightly, his eyes dark but glimmering slightly. Howard half expected to get kicked out of the bed then and there, convinced that Jason would come to his senses but instead Jason tilted Howard’s face to meet his eyes properly, capturing Howard’s lips with his own. The kiss was long and steady but Howard could feel every shiver of the emotion that ran through it and pinpricks of light flashed behind his closed eyelids as he took Jason’s slim frame into his arms. As they finally broke apart Howard could already feel Jason’s eyes setting their gaze on him once more.
“I thought questioning things was my job.”
“Then why do you never question me?”
“I don’t need to, How.”
“But this is close.”
“You weren’t questioning it when I let you in here.”
“No one questions anything when someone beautiful is kissing them.”
“So it was all instinct?”
“Something like that.”
“Then trust your instincts.”
“People like you are supposed to be untouchable,” Howard sighed slightly.
“I’m just me,” Jason told him calmly. Howard smiled a little, brushing his fingertips against the side of Jason’s face, cupping his cheek.
“You’re just beautiful,” he countered. Jason pressed another small kiss to his cheek then pulled back and looked at Howard carefully. There was little point in holding any more of himself back, he supposed. He could feel the muscle of Howard’s body against his own and he realised that everything else had been given. Words and looks and understanding. Skin and breath and a side of the bed. There was no point to holding anything else back and, more importantly, he didn’t want to try to. He looked Howard in the eye, their faces close.
“I love you,” he said with a certainty that took Howard by surprise. They’d told each other enough times now that they were falling in love, maybe even been as sure as to say ‘fallen’, but neither had dared venture those three words. Slowly he shifted their bodies so that he could cup Jason’s face in his hand, leaning across to press a kiss to his forehead.
“Jay...”
“Yeah?”
“I love you too.”
***
Howard and Jason both jumped as they heard the sound of someone knocking loudly on Jason’s front door. Jason was the first to get his bearings, reluctantly untangling himself from Howard’s arms as he pushed himself upright in the bed. Howard looked up at him and, as if sensing his gaze, Jason glanced over his shoulder as he climbed out of the bed, a shy smile passing across his face. Howard watched unashamedly as Jason pulled his jeans on and left the room, casting one more flushed smile over his shoulder before disappearing from view. Sunlight streamed through the apartment now and Howard enjoyed the feeling of the warm rays rolling over his bare chest as he listened for who was at the door.
Jason ran his fingers through his hair as he crossed the lounge towards the door, trying to make it look marginally less dishevelled than it did, before finally pulling back the chain and opening the door to see Mark stood in front of him. Mark looked up at him, seemingly unfazed by his shirtless state, and gave him a cheery smile but Jason merely arched an eyebrow, glancing back into his apartment to get a glimpse of his clock.
“Mark, you do know it’s nine thirty...on a Sunday...” he pointed out slowly but Mark just whimpered.
“Oh but Jay you need to help me!” he proclaimed overdramatically, breezing past Jason into the apartment. Jason simply blinked, standing a moment by the open door as Mark made himself at home before letting out an affectionate sigh.
“Come in...” he deadpanned to himself before shutting the door and heading towards the kitchen to put the kettle on, briefly wondering where Howard had got to. Mark flopped down onto the sofa as Jason got the tea ready, hugging a cushion to his chest as he looked up at the ceiling.
“So, what exactly is the matter?” Jason questioned gently, looking up as Howard appeared down the corridor. A faint blush touched his cheeks as Howard offered him his discarded shirt from last night and Howard simply winked at him, leaning casually against the breakfast bar, waiting for Mark to notice his presence.
“It’s Gary. Or...or maybe it’s me...it’s me and Gary!” Mark lamented, burying his face in the cushion now. Howard held back a chuckle as Jason rolled his eyes.
“What about you and Gary could possibly warrant you turning up on my doorstep at half nine on a Sunday?” he asked with slight fondness in his tone as he stirred sugar into the teas before handing a mug to Howard. Howard accepted the tea gratefully, meeting Jason’s eyes with slight mischief in his own as he took a tentative sip.
“Because really Mark, I think Jay has better things to be doing with his time at half nine on a Sunday,” he put in with a huskiness to his tone that sent a shiver of static across Jason’s skin . Their eyes were locked for a moment and they didn’t notice Mark sit bolt upright in surprise.
“Howard! Oh God!” he exclaimed after a beat and Howard chuckled, finally breaking eye contact with Jason to turn and cast Mark as mildly embarrassed smile.
“Mornin’,” he replied with a small shrug. Mark looked between Howard and Jason, his mouth still slightly open in surprise, and it quickly dawned on him that, now Howard was around, he could no longer assume that Jason would be available to lend him a listening ear at all hours of the day.
“I’m interrupting something aren’t I...” Mark said slowly and Jason chuckled.
“No, just this one’s Sunday lie in,” he smiled, nodding his head in Howard’s direction.
“He still insists he doesn’t do lie ins, but I’m working on it,” Howard added, a twinkle in his eyes.
“Well all the same, I’ll go...I should get out of your hair really...” Mark flustered, getting up hurriedly and attempting to make a break for it.
“Markie, hold up. Come on, what’s wrong?” Jason asked him kindly, stopping him in his tracks. Mark looked at his hands, pulling a face then shrugging.
“Let’s just say...I didn’t wake up with Gary Barlow in my flat this morning, yeah? Don’t worry about it though, Jay, it’s not your problem...” he dismissed, stalking towards the door again.
“Markie!” Jason called after him and Mark stopped yet again, looking back over his shoulder.
“Yeah?” he questioned and Jason smiled at him kindly.
“He’s my best mate, you know? So I can’t say I’ve ever had the experience you’d be looking for. But one thing I do know; Gaz cannot resist piano chords. You play a song for him and waking up to him won’t be your problem. Getting him to leave? Maybe a bit more so,” Jason told him and Mark couldn’t help but grin.
“Cheers Jay, you’re a proper mate. And I’m not going to visit you on Sunday mornings ever again, promise!” he beamed and Jason laughed.
“Mm, I’ll believe that when it happens,” he commented and Mark shrugged, giving Howard a small wave before quickly opening the door.
“Bye...and sorry!” he called over his shoulder before the door finally closed behind him and Jason and Howard were alone once more.
As Howard turned back to look at Jason again he could see that increasingly familiar look of contemplation shining softly in his eyes. He tilted his head, looking at Jason in questioning and leaning on the breakfast bar to close some of the gap between them.
“Don’t even try and pretend you’re not thinking about something,” he coaxed gently and Jason smiled, coming around the breakfast bar to stand in front of Howard.
“Yeah, I was thinking about something,” he agreed, letting Howard wind his arms around him.
“You thinking about sharing?” Howard asked, bringing their bodies as close as possible and cupping Jason’s face in his hands, kissing his forehead before leaning their foreheads together.
“Yeah...yeah...I just...I need you to know that I meant what I said last night. I love you. And if you think you’ve not done anything to deserve that then...then you’re so wrong,” Jason murmured after a pause. Howard looked into his eyes with slight surprise, feeling his heart stutter under Jason’s piercing gaze. He smiled slightly.
“You mean that?” he asked and Jason laughed softly, still holding his gaze.
“How,” Jason reprimanded him softly and Howard smiled.
“I know, Jay,” he said gently and Jason smiled.
“Of course you know.”
“And of course you know...I feel the same.”
4.
Mark sat down on the box was a sigh, letting out a little squeak as the box gave way beneath him. The sound of his misfortune attracted Jason’s attention and the older man chuckled softly as he peered into the front room of the shop, leaning against the archway and raising an eyebrow.
“You trying to turn the empty boxes into furniture or do you want me to help you out of there?” he asked after a moment, eyes sparkling wildly with amusement.
“Howard’s a bad influence on you – you never used to mock me!” Mark protested, kicking his legs in a fruitless attempt to free himself from the box.
“You and Gaz need to stop blaming Howard for everything – I have always mocked you.”
“Not as much as you do now though, Howard’s taught you to be more devious,” Mark pouted, holding his arms in the air expectantly and making Jason roll his eyes.
“So is How mocking you when he lets you wrap him around your little finger?” he remarked pointedly, arms folded. The smile on his face betrayed him and Mark simply looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes.
“Yes?” he tried and Jason grinned, finally giving in and coming over to help him up.
“No, actually,” he supplied, taking Mark’s hands and trying to heave the smaller man to his feet.
“All of you lot mock me!” Mark countered, looking up into Jason’s eyes.
“I guess. But, we do that whilst we let you wrap us around your little finger,” Jason replied.
“Well, there is that I s’pose,” Mark chuckled softly, his head lolling back, hair falling free in fluffy strands into his face. Jason merely shook his head in quiet amusement, picking up the damaged box and walking through into the side room, Mark following him.
As Jason put the box down on the shop’s counter, Mark let out yet another sigh and Jason decided he couldn’t ignore his friend’s hints for much longer. He briefly surveyed the mess that the shop was in. Gary had gone a little overboard at the auction and the shop was practically overflowing with rare songbooks and records and, much to Jason’s dismay, many very dusty instruments. Didn’t the auctions polish these things up for sale? Or did they, like the rest of the world, presume that Jason would turn up with a duster and do it for them? He put his hands on his hips, a small frown creasing his forehead. He wasn’t sure why he was getting so het up about it all. Perhaps it was all that residual stress that he refused to let Howard see over the state of the apartment. He loved living with Howard but he was still adjusting to having the chaos that was Howard Donald in the sanctuary of his apartment twenty-four/seven. Now that the shop was descending into chaos too, Jason felt sure he was losing all control. They said that was what love did to you and he’d never believed it. Yet still he couldn’t bring himself to stop the smile that touched his lips as he thought of Howard.
“So, come on, what is it you’re dying for me to ask you about?” Jason sighed at last, his daydream ended abruptly by the sad look in Mark’s eyes.
“You think you’re so good at reading people Jay,” Mark retorted, rolling his eyes that little bit too dramatically to be believed. Jason simply nodded knowingly, moving around behind the counter to pick up his book.
“Well in that case, you can finish sorting the boxes and I can take my tea break – it’s taking me far too long to finish this book!” he said, waving the book slightly at Mark.
“And what’s stopping you Jay? Couldn’t possibly have anything to do with Howard moving in could it?” Mark was quick to ask him, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
“Nope. Not unless your moping has got anything to do with the fact Gary hopped on a train to London yesterday and isn’t due to return for five days,” Jason shot back effortlessly, breezing off to put the kettle on, more than a little smug at the sound of Mark’s outraged yelp.
“That’s not fair, I was teasing you! You can’t flip that over on me!” Mark protested, his reaction extremely delayed as he dashed after Jason, coming up behind him as he flicked the switch on the kettle and turned around.
“Cheer up Markie, it’s the first time since you two started going out the he’s been away, right?” Jason asked, his tone tinged with a caring that quickly melted Mark’s annoyance.
“Right,” he conceded. Jason smiled kindly.
“So it’s the first time you two have been apart for more than ten seconds in months, right?” he pressed, tilting his head to one side to try and hold Mark’s gaze.
“Right,” Mark sighed heavily, admitting defeat and deciding he couldn’t hide a thing from Jason.
“So let me guess; you’re going out of your mind thinking about him, you even start to miss the things about him that normally drive you round the twist and the only way you can find to stave off boredom is to phone him (usually discovering you’ve managed to pick the most inconvenient moment) and generally, you just want to get on the first train and throw your arms around him,” Jason said, an understanding in his eyes that surprised Mark a little.
“How do you know all that stuff?!” he asked, incredulous. Jason laughed softly.
“Um, hello; my boyfriend is a DJ? He goes where the work is. And the work is often far away. Be thankful that this thing with Gary is just a one off,” he replied, handing Mark a mug of tea and a biscuit. Mark smiled at him gratefully, letting out a small whimper.
“I could have gone with him you know...but he’s the best man so he had to be there for the whole stag weekend thing as well as the wedding and I would have just been intruding. I’m going mad stuck on me own though,” he murmured into his tea and Jason squeezed his shoulder.
“First time Howard deserted me? Colour coded half my kitchen. You’ve got a way to go before you reach mad yet,” he assured him and Mark couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yeah, ok, you might have a point there! But all the same...I can’t get Gary Barlow out of my head and, although thinking about him doesn’t half make me feel giddy, it also is very distracting when you’re working in a cafe. And then today, when I have a day off, I think I’ll be ok but I’m not! I’m ten times worse! It’s gotten to the point now where I actually miss the way he always manages to let his biscuits crumble into his tea and the way he sings EVERYWHERE he goes and the way he can’t focus on me and a piano at once unless I drape myself across it. Those things used to be these little niggling annoyances and now...now I actually think they make me love him more. He wouldn’t be Gaz unless he let his McVities fall apart in his tea...” Mark spilt out. Jason nodded quietly.
“The splash marks alone drive me crazy...” he said with a playful smile but Mark knew there was a seriousness behind the statement.
“That’s coz you’re neurotic...speaking of which, how are you and your colour-coded kitchen utensils coping with Howard and his...um...” Mark waved his hand vaguely and Jason laughed.
“His not-so-colour-coded chaos? We’re surviving. He makes me not mind about that stuff so much. And I make him want to make me happy, which makes him tidy up...occasionally,” he smiled fondly.
“Aw; compromise has broken out then?” Mark chuckled and Jason nodded.
“Yeah...although I’m dreading his next long trip. It’s going to be ten times worse him not being around after having him in my house and everything,” he sighed.
“God, we make a right pair...” Mark remarked after a beat and Jason laughed.
“That we do. Now come on, drink up; there’s boxes to sort,” he said and Mark pulled a face.
“Can’t we just call that boyfriend of yours and get him to do some heavy-lifting?” he asked. Jason paused a moment, a mischievous yet thoughtful smile lingering in his blue eyes.
“You know what Markie, that sounds like an excellent idea!” he grinned and Mark laughed as Jason slowly fished out his phone from his pocket, pressing the much-used speed-dial for Howard’s mobile.
***
It took Gary a few moments to process the sight in front of him. He was pretty sure that when he had left his flat a few days ago, Mark Owen had not been on his sofa doing his best Eskimo impression. But, having said that, he was pretty sure Mark had been giving him those exact same puppy-dog eyes. It seemed Mark wasn’t going to be the one to break the surprised silence.
“Not that I’m not extraordinarily happy to see you here but; how on earth did you get into my flat?” Gary asked, breaking the silence on Mark’s behalf. Mark grinned back at him widely.
“Jay told me where you keep the spare key,” he replied brightly and Gary quirked an eyebrow.
“Security isn’t his top priority then...” he commented, mostly to himself but Mark pouted.
“Hey! I’m not a security risk!” he protested, rustling the throw-cover he was buried in, trying his best to look authoritative and failing. It was hard to be taken seriously when wearing a throw cover wrapped over your head, slipper-boots, two pairs of pyjamas and a woolly hat whilst clutching a hot water bottle to your chest.
“No, you’ve just stolen anything remotely warm from my flat,” Gary pointed out with a chuckle.
“But it smells of you!” Mark told him quietly, the puppy-dog eyes returning in a flash. Even if he had wanted to deny how sweet Mark was he wouldn’t be able to. All the sugar he consumed had to go somewhere if it wasn’t going to his waistline, Gary supposed.
“You broke into my house to smell me?” he questioned slowly, sinking down onto the sofa next to Mark with a gently teasing smile, his blue eyes glowing with mirth.
“I missed you! And I didn’t break in, I used the spare key, I thought we’d covered that,” Mark frowned softly, scrunching up his nose and blowing fluff from the throw-cover out of his mouth. Gary let out another soft chuckle, running a hand through his ash-blonde hair so that it stuck out at all angles. They made quite a pair really. There he was, a pullover that was probably wildly unfashionable, hair looking like he’d been dragged through a particularly nasty hedge and stubble that would make a homeless man grimace. And then there was Mark looking like a cardigan factory had just exploded in the nightwear department at M&S. Not the conventional couple but the scene made him smile nonetheless. Mark still looked up at him with wide eyes, a tiny, playful smile tugging at the very corners of his lips. Gary knew it was taking everything Mark had not to throw his arms around him.
“One more question before I hug you to within an inch of your life; why are you dressed up like it’s Christmas in the North Pole?” he asked with a smirk and Mark chewed his lip slightly.
“I couldn’t work out how to turn your heating on,” he admitted shyly, making Gary laugh, shaking his head a little before offering out his arms. Mark saw the affection in Gary’s eyes and he was quick to throw out his own arms, inviting Gary to join him in the shelter of the throw cover.
Once a compromise had been reached over the ratio of who got how much throw cover, the two settled in for the night, turning on the TV and snuggling down. Their comfort was only interrupted briefly for Gary to make them both some tea and refill the hot water bottle before he joined Mark on the sofa once more. A biscuit and a brew in his clutches and Mark safely tucked into his side, Gary sent a silent ‘Thank You’ Jason’s way, knowing that somehow his best mate had known exactly what would be best for him to come home to after his time away. He guessed that Jason knew from experience and briefly he debated just how many times Jason had greeted Howard with similar domesticity after time away. It wasn’t long before Mark had his attention once more, however, and he held Gary mesmerised as he wittered away about everything under the sun. The TV was quickly forgotten against Mark’s glittering light and whilst Mark babbled, Gary stroked at strands of Mark’s hair, tucking it back under the woollen hat he was wearing. Gary pressed a quiet kiss to Mark’s temple as Mark finally stopped talking, watching him a moment with a faraway smile on his lips.
“I missed you too you know,” he whispered gently and Mark looked up at him, eyes dancing.
“Yeah. I know,” he nodded, not taking his eyes away from Gary’s as Gary touched a hand to his cheek. Mark shifted himself even closer to Gary’s side, tracing his finger absentmindedly along the pattern of Gary’s unfashionable jumper. Gary gave him another kiss, this time pressing it to his forehead, drawing Mark’s eyes back to his. The silence between them crackled warmly. It was Mark who finally reached up to press his lips to Gary’s, deepening the kiss quietly. Gary felt the throw-cover slip from their shoulders as he pulled Mark into his arms and before he was really aware of what was happening, he was tugging Mark up with him, pulling him off down the corridor.
5.
Howard let out a low whistle, appreciating the view as his husband came over to join him outside, two glasses of wine in his hands, sunlight dancing about the beautiful lines of his face, brown hair a little mussed but those blue eyes as sharp as ever. His husband. That had gotten so easy to say so quickly. Their first night married and here he was, already throwing around his claim to this man like he’d been doing it all his life. He could hardly believe that he, Howard Donald, the Sunday morning of boyfriends, could have fallen so stupidly hard. It was ridiculous that he could be married to this man and yet still feel his heart jump softly against his ribcage as that smile – the one that he knew belonged to him and him alone – was sent his way beneath the sunset. He took one of the wine glasses quietly, shuffling along the seat slightly to let Jason join him. It was getting cooler but it was still just about warm enough to be sitting out here and Howard honestly couldn’t even dream of moving as he felt Jason curl up against his side, setting his own wine glass down on the little table and pulling his hands as far inside his sleeves as possible. The hoody was actually one of Howard’s and it somewhat dwarfed Jason’s slight, slender frame. But Howard was not about to tell Jason to change. He couldn’t explain the attraction of Jason wearing his clothes, but it was there and it was worth submitting to. As Jason rested his head on Howard’s chest, Howard planted a kiss to the top of his head, studying the man in his arms a second with a tiny flicker of worry in his head.
“We didn’t just screw up all of this forever did we?” he asked quietly, biting his lip. Jason paused a moment, raising his head a little to look at Howard and letting out a small chuckle, pressing himself even closer to Howard’s side.
“And the prize for most romantic speech of the decade goes to...” he remarked, giving Howard a small peck on the cheek before settling back against his chest. Howard chuckled despite himself, giving Jason a firm squeeze.
“Sorry I just...I didn’t mean...urgh, I don’t know what I mean,” he sighed, rolling his eyes and resting his chin on top of Jason’s head. Jason smiled a little, placing a gentle palm over Howard’s heartbeat.
“And I thought I was supposed to bring the crazy to this relationship,” he retorted teasingly, his voice soft and warm as it vibrated against Howard’s chest. Howard couldn’t help but laugh slightly at the statement. That was the way it was always called wasn’t it? Jason would say stuff that no one could really unpick and then Howard would tease him mercilessly before eventually admitting that he kind of understood exactly where Jason was coming from and Jason would just smile in that way that said ‘You get me’ and made Howard’s spine shiver with electricity.
“That’s what I thought, but you’ve been so bloody laid-back all day that I thought I ought to balance things up a bit,” Howard shot back and Jason smirked.
“Hmm, I’m not buying it for one second Donald,” he countered and Howard glanced down at him, meeting his eyes and giving Jason his very own version of the ‘You get me’ smile.
“I just...I mean...we didn’t just...” Howard stumbled over his words and promptly lost them all, waving a vague hand before turning his eyes back out to the sunset. Jason looked up at him with that unwavering blue gaze that Howard couldn’t resist and he found his eyes drawn back to him with ease, relieved to see the look of understanding in Jason’s face.
“Nothing’s changed, How,” Jason stated simply, eyes holding Howard’s without a flicker of doubt.
“But...” Howard began to protest, but he stopped as he felt Jason press his palm a little more forcefully against his chest, eyes still locked on his.
“The commitment was to a person. Not to a lifestyle. I’m still me. I have no desire to upset any balances for the sake of a white picket fence or a cat called Felix or whatever the hell else you’re terrified I’ll start to want more than you, ok? I love you. No trappings, no conditions and definitely no changes,” Jason assured him, his voice was quiet and calm and it pulled a smile from Howard’s lips with ease. Howard stroked his thumb absently along Jason’s back, leaning their foreheads together.
“You really mean that?” he asked tentatively and Jason rolled his eyes with light teasing.
“You really think I don’t?”
“No.”
“We’re not going to change, you know. Not because of a piece of paper. You were already closer than everyone else, now it’s just...a promise to keep you there.”
“Just?” Howard half-laughed, leaning their foreheads together.
“You drive me insane,” Jason smiled back at up at him, playful and serious all at once. Howard pressed a kiss to Jason’s forehead.
“I so love you,” he mumbled and Jason smiled up at him.
“Good, coz you’re stuck with me.”
“Jason Orange, play nice!”
“Go on then; I might just so love you too.”
6.
Gary and Mark watched quietly as Howard coaxed Jason awake at last. With Howard’s gentle fingers brushing at his hair, Jason finally let the world pull back into focus, his eyes slowly blinking open and a small smile curling up the corners of his lips as he set his gaze upon Howard’s face. The pair shared a brief kiss, lips pressed quietly together, a shared moment almost entirely unnoticed by the people gathered around the room. Gary noticed the way Jason held Howard’s gaze as he softly laced their fingers together, unwaveringly blue eyes staying locked as Howard clasped his hand tightly. It was as they watched Howard silently lead Jason across to the dance floor, arms falling softly around him as they fell into step with the music, that Mark squeezed Gary’s arm a little tighter, resting his chin on Gary’s shoulder.
“Think we’ll ever make it look that easy?” Mark asked quietly and Gary tilted his head.
“What, dancing? Not likely. That pair were born for it, but I’ve got two left feet me...” he replied and Mark gave him a playful nudge in the side, forcing Gary to turn and look at him. Gary smiled and drew Mark a little closer to him.
“You know what I meant,” Mark pouted slightly, but he accepted Gary’s warm squeeze as apology.
“I don’t want to be unromantic Markie but; probably not. Jason and Howard are the sort of people are can make a lot of things look effortless, even when they’re not. We’re more...bumbling than either of them,” Gary said after a beat and Mark smiled lopsidedly.
“That’s not unromantic. That’s actually kind of sweet, it means we’re both doing the same dance-steps. We’re just not as good at making them look proper like Jay and Howard are,” he murmured, looking up at Gary with warm eyes.
“Are you saying I actually got something right for once?” Gary joked lightly, glancing down to meet Mark’s gaze. His blue eyes reflected the fading sunset, light dancing across his chiselled face.
“There’s a first time for everything,” Mark teased, but he appeased Gary quickly with a peck on the lips. Gary laughed softly, shaking his head a little before glancing back at Jason and Howard who were clearly lost in their own world.
“Maybe we can make it look that easy after all then, eh?” he smiled and Mark beamed up at him.
“Don’t get ideas above your station, Barlow,” he grinned and Gary pulled a face.
“I liked you better when you still had that lollipop,” he shot back and Mark stuck his tongue out.
After a few minutes of easy silence, Mark glanced up at Gary, a small frown creasing his face as he noticed Gary’s expression. Gary seemed to notice Mark’s gaze and he looked down slowly.
“Watcha thinking?” Mark asked quietly and Gary smiled.
“That this must be the first time in the history of the world that someone can screw up as monumentally as I have and still get to spend a first night being married to you,” he replied.
“You’re only planning on spending the first night with me? What happened to the rest of our lives?” Mark protested but he held Gary tightly for good measure. Gary himself chuckled.
“Sorry, I guess I undershot,” he nodded, leaning his head against Mark’s and pressing a kiss to his temple. Mark smiled and leant into the embrace a little.
“And to think I was about to tell you that you hadn’t even screwed up that monumentally,” Mark pouted playfully, a twinkle in his eyes.
“It was enough to get you on a plane to New York,” Gary pointed out.
“I was enough to get you on a plane to New York,” Mark countered quickly. Gary was about to protest when someone cleared their throat behind them. Both of them turned and were a little surprised to see Jason and Howard standing there, Jason’s arms wrapped around Howard’s middle as if he needed the support just to stay standing. Despite the tiredness in his eyes, there was a gentle shine to his smile and his mind was as sharp as ever.
“When you two are quite finished arguing the time of day...” he teased softly and, whilst Gary had the decency to blush, Mark beamed unashamedly.
“Your point being...?” he asked brightly. Jason raised an eyebrow though Gary noticed the way Howard held onto him a little tighter. Lord only knew how Jason could keep going off so little sleep – Gary’s eyelids refused to open properly without his recommended eight hours a night.
“Well, despite the late hour, you pair still haven’t had your first dance and people are starting to talk,” Jason smiled, shrinking himself into Howard’s strong chest.
“In any case, we have one last little present for you and I need this one still upright in order to get it to you,” Howard put in, giving Jason a small squeeze and dropping a brief kiss to his temple. Mark and Gary frowned but Jason smiled.
“Don’t think I didn’t see your ears prick up at ‘present’ Markie,” he teased with a slight roll of his eyes before glancing up at Howard who gave him a small nod.
Gary frowned in confusion as Howard and Jason turned away, heading for the small stage at the head of the dance floor. But when he saw Jason taking his guitar in hand, a small smile of realisation touched his lips, causing Mark to look at him in questioning. Gary simply took Mark’s hand, pulling him up from his seat and leading him across to the dance floor, a small path clearing for them as Howard announced their first dance. Jason flashed him a smile over Mark’s shoulder and Gary took a steadying breath as he placed his hands on Mark’s hips, relaxing a little as Jason began to play.
“Here standing in the rain,
the sun has gone again
and nothing's gonna change.
Time, I need a little time,
as you slip out of sight,
and nothing heals the pain...” Howard’s voice was warm and effortless and Gary leant his forehead against Mark’s with a quiet smile.
“I can’t believe they dug this out,” he murmured as Howard continued.
“And I know that it's you
That's stopping me from falling...” Howard exchanged a small smile with Jason who somehow seemed to be keeping himself awake even without Howard’s support.
“Dug it out from where?” Mark asked Gary quietly and Gary shrugged.
“Somewhere in the depths of my despair I think. I almost talked myself out of getting on that plane by saying ‘nothing’s going to change’...Jay and Howard turned it into our song,” he replied as Howard sang on. A smile of realisation crept into Mark’s face as he realised the true meaning of the words and he glanced across at Howard who was still singing softly whilst he and Gary danced.
“Crashing down, losing ground
‘til I see you again
And you know;
The sun will shine, and we will see,
there's nothing standing in our way.
Love will stand and never break,
never thought this could be me.
Do you feel what I feel,
every time that you are near?
It's a beautiful world
A beautiful world...” Howard and Jason sang together now and the words rang so true as Mark looked up into Gary’s eyes. He drew himself as close to Gary as possible, pressing a lingering kiss to Gary’s lips. He hardly noticed all the eyes on them. He barely registered Jason and Howard – if it wasn’t for their music he probably would have forgotten about them entirely. But those words struck a chord in his heart and he knew this would be a first to remember.
As the song began to reach its final stages, others at last began to join them on the dance floor and Gary couldn’t help but be a little relieved that his dancing was no longer everyone’s focus. His relief only distracted him momentarily, however, as Mark’s eyes reconnected with his just in time for Howard to sing back Gary’s own words from that day at the airport as he’d vowed all the things he would do for Mark only to have Jason point out to him that if he could do all that he could manage one flight to New York for the sake of a proposal.
“I'll be the stars guiding you...” Howard sang and Mark looked up at Gary with a question in his eyes.
“Did you say that?” he asked quietly, reading Gary’s mind.
“I said if I could rearrange the stars to guide you back then...” Gary began, finding his sentence cut off with a kiss.
“I'll be the place that you hide...” Howard continued as Mark pulled back.
“That too?” he asked Gary quietly and Gary smiled shyly before being kissed once more.
“I'd run a thousand miles,
A thousand miles to be by your side...” Howard smiled with a shake of his head as Mark gave Gary yet another kiss for the sentiment.
“Didn’t manage to run to New York as such but the point still stands,” Gary chuckled and Mark grinned up at him, rolling his eyes in teasing.
“At this point I really don’t care,” he assured Gary as Jason and Howard sang out once more that it was a beautiful world and as he shared his first dance with his husband, Gary couldn’t help but agree.